SoulStirred: Stories of Growth And The Human Experience

Episode 4: Part II - The Story of Us

Welcome lovely listeners to Soulstirred, stories of growth and the human experience. I'm Emily Garcia and I'm Casey Clark. We will be your guides on this journey.

We are so glad you are here. Each week we'll come together, sometimes with other incredible thinkers, creators, and adventurers to generously share stories of self-discovery, recovery, triumph, and what it means to live a life on purpose. No matter where you are in your own journey, connection is here for you at SoulStirred.

Settle in, take a deep breath in, and let's inspire each other. Welcome to SoulStirred. Hi everyone, welcome back to SoulStirred.

This is part two of the story of us and we are so grateful you're here to join us. As we told our story in our first episode, we told our story about how Casey and I met and the things that led us to where we are today and how our connection was formed. Throughout SoulStirred, we will be interviewing guests and Casey and I will also have episodes where we will come back to talk about us and the stories that have formed us in our lives.

Today, we are going to talk more about the things that led us into child welfare and the connections we made through that. So, Casey, would you like to start us off with telling a little bit more about your story? Surely. Hey everybody, welcome back to SoulStirred.

So yeah, the early beginnings of my being called into a career in child welfare. It's so fascinating as we reflect on this chapter of my life and our lives and Emily to notice the connections and for me what felt like perhaps coincidence at the time given what I know now absolutely could not have been a coincidence. So, I'm excited to be sharing with you and having this dialogue with you in real time so that we can sort of weave those threads of the quilt together and spark the connections that I know are there and have been this entire time.

So I was, this was probably, let's see, well it was 1995 and I know that because my son was a baby and I was in college and I was living with my sister at the time and we both were divorced and single moms and we were sharing a home with another single mom, well not a home, we had a duplex and she had a duplex on the other side of the wall with another single mom. And one day in a very neighborly way, I was coming home from work and had just picked up my son at daycare and pulled into the driveway and my neighbor was there and with her two daughters and they had just come back from getting the mail and we were just having one of those neighborly chats where it was like, how was your day? Good. How was yours? And she said, oh, I actually had a really hard day.

I had to go out to this home where this young mom and her boyfriend have been using methamphetamine and remove her four children all under the age of three. And she went on to tell me this story about how hard her day was having to load car seats in her car and not having enough space and the deplorable conditions that she had taken these children away from. And I was just captivated, like wide-eyed.

I had never heard a story like this before, let alone met a person who like, this is a day in your life at work. And my backstory was that I, you know, in my later teens, early twenties chapter of life as a new mom, prior to having my child, I was one of these kinds of people who really couldn't decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I came from a highly educated, really successful family.

And all of the adult members of my family worked for the federal government. And so all I knew was that there was a rebel in me that wasn't going to do the same thing they all did, but I knew. So, it was like, do I want to be a doctor or a lawyer or a nurse or a teacher or a social worker? Like what, what interests me? And as my neighbor was telling me this story, I heard sounds of all of that.

Like, wait a minute, you get to do a job that has you every day working in the police department or the school department or the hospital, or like that excited me, the variety of all of that. And that I wouldn't have to choose one. I could like find myself in any one of those on any given day.

Right? So I said to her, I want to do what you do for a living. Well, what I didn't know at the time is that recruitment and retention are really a serious problem for the child welfare world. That's across the nation.

Not just a problem unique to Colorado. And so of course she glommed onto it. Here I am, you know, young, eager, enthusiastic, bright, and getting my master's degree in counseling.

And I want to work for social services. She's like, can you come tomorrow? And I'll set up some meetings for you with some people who might potentially want to hire you. And so the next day I went to the, to a pretty major department here in the state of Colorado and met with three different supervisors and all three of them offered me work.

One was in adolescent protection intake, one was in adolescent services, and one was in child protection intake. And I really got to have my choice. What did I want to do? And so I said, something in me said, I want to, I want to protect the babies.

I want to work in child protection intake. And that was the beginning for me of my career, which was now, you know, more than 25 years ago, this all began. Yeah.

How about you? How did it start? Such an interesting story. It's so different from mine. I didn't think I would be a good fit for child welfare because I had come out of child welfare, you know, in my, in my teen years when I was removed by a caseworker and, um, you know, we'd gone through court and I had a case worker who worked with me until I was 18, that kind of thing.

I thought I am not the person they're going to want. And I also don't know that I would be capable of emotionally handling child welfare cases or good at it. And so what led me there, I graduated from college and worked in community mental health for a couple of years.

I worked with adults who it was a high intensity treatment team is what they called it. And it was adults who had chronic mental illness. Uh, many, many of the people I worked with had schizophrenia and a co-occurring substance use disorder.

So, lots of crack and schizophrenia. It was a big combination. And I loved, I loved my clients.

It really did love that work. It was a bad system though. So, I knew I couldn't, I couldn't stay in it.

And then when I was looking for jobs, everything that I wanted to do, you had to have a master's degree. So, I'm like, what am I even qualified for with only a bachelor's? And there were a couple of things that were, you know, nonprofit work. And then there was child protection and, you know, 20 something year old me goes, child protection, it pays a little more.

So, he started off in what they called, I don't know if they still call the position, the same thing, but I was a screener. So, I took all of the child protection calls that came in, and then we would go through all the calls and they would get assigned to caseworkers. And after doing that for a while, I decided I was going to go back to grad school and get my master's in social work.

And I got promoted to be a caseworker on the night child protection team with Casey. And that's when Casey became my supervisor. The funny thing about it is that different from you, Casey, I didn't come from a family of highly educated people.

I know in our, in our history, there were other people, but my parents both had gone to college and dropped out. And my parents were both helpers in their own way. They were social work type of people.

Dad, his whole life wanted to like help other people. And one of the stories that was told at his memorial was he has a friend who helps people who are homeless. And there was a guy, they were getting off the streets and he didn't have, you know, he was moving into an apartment.

He didn't have any furniture. My dad would go to Goodwill and find all this great stuff. He ended up furnishing the guy's apartment.

My mom was the kind of helper who if someone showed up at our door, she couldn't afford to buy whatever they were selling, but she would invite them in for dinner and she would take care of people. So I wanted to help people, but I didn't think I could do child protection. And yet there I was, I ended up there.

Wow. Would you say, I've, I have used the language with other people, like I was called to it. Do you feel like that was true for you or more that you chose it or landed in it some other way that was meant? The interesting thing is with 20, 20 vision, looking back, I really do feel like I was called going into it.

I did not feel called. I felt like, what if they find me out? What if they find out that I was removed from my home from by a caseworker and a detective? And then I'm here trying to like do this job. It was such intense imposter syndrome that I had.

I don't know that I belong here. I'm probably the person that they're going to realize who I really am and then say like, you got to get out of here, get out of this job. Wow.

Wow. So many directions we could go with that conversation. I just, I want to talk more.

Maybe this is in a later chapter in the story of us about what it was like for you from that perspective, connecting with clients. Right. And I think my experience, both personally, as well as through, you know, many, many deep friendships that I've had throughout my years in the child welfare arena, you were not the only one who was thinking, what if they find me out? You know, it's just maybe the content of what doesn't want to be found out is a little different in each case.

And I think we all can relate to what it feels, what it feels like to feel like the imposter. What am I doing here? What am I for? Who gave me all of this power? How do they know I am equipped to hold it and use it with responsibility? Wow. And again, another later episode about how that system operates, given some of that perspective going on inside the people who occupy it.

Right. Interestingly, back to us, I had no knowledge or experience or even like I didn't even know what I didn't know about the social services system when I took the job. I was raised with the privilege of being raised by my parents, never having been removed from my home, never having been the subject of an investigation.

I imagine that some of those experiences probably intensified your empathy and compassion for what the work was and what we were doing. I think in my case, I do remember, though, my first weeks at this first big county and coming home and telling my sister I have found the work of my life. And I feel finally for the first time in my life like I have found my people.

And I remember her saying to me, isn't it incredible when you find yourself in a workplace where you're surrounded by people who value what you value and just notice that feeling? And it really was fulfilling. And it really did feel like I had found the place where I belonged. I loved things like there were monthly celebrations of all different kinds of diversity at this county where I worked.

I loved that, you know, most of the people there didn't look like me. And so it was diversity of perspective, diversity of thought, sharing ideas and learning with and from each other. And I own that I came to the work with a whole bunch of privilege and didn't even know really what that word meant at the time or what it meant to carry all of that privilege and not know how to handle it necessarily with care yet in service of the clients and the families and the children.

Yeah. What was it like for you when you first arrived in the child welfare setting and found yourself surrounded by other people like us? It is. It's interesting now as you say you you realize how much privilege you had because even though I had been a part of the system I still had a lot of privilege.

And part of my privilege was that when everything happened in my life and I became a part of the system as a teenager, I was surrounded by an amazing support system. And truly I had a wonderful caseworker. I had other people who came from the system who supported me, but I had my family and there were friends who showed up, family friends who showed up.

I mean, there was a lot of privilege in that. And when you work in the system, you realize so many people are alone, that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree kind of thing. Like people are doing the best they can with what they know.

And here I was, I was, I think I was 24 when I started. And I would, I look young to begin with at the time. I probably looked 12 and I'm walking up to people's homes to investigate and look into what is happening.

And they're looking at me. I mean, there were comments made for sure. Like, are you even a parent? What, how old are you? Are you old enough to do this? But the privilege of just being even in a role where you have so much power over people's lives.

And yet I was so young. I didn't have my own kids. I had no, I had no idea, but I did have the unique perspective of being able to go.

I was a part of this and I really do know what it's like when there are situations in a family that are not in the child's control and children often don't realize, they don't realize how bad it is or that their parents are learning as they, as they're going, like there, there's so much to weigh when you are, when you're in that system. So it was a really, a really unique and weird and wonderful and terrible situation all at the same time. Exactly.

Yeah. So, in a nutshell, right? Unique and weird and wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. It's a good, absolutely.

Yeah. I, it's funny. I remember my very first week and my supervisor bringing these books basically to my desk.

The Colorado Children's Code, which is the legal basis for child welfare services. Volume 7, which is the state department's, you know, binder at the time, this was all printed material of policies and practices that we needed to operate by. And then this huge, huge, you know, those giant three ring binders that are like the size of a truck, pink practice handbook, it was called.

And in addition to those three reading materials, my first assessment. So, the name and address of a family and what I was told was read these and then go to this address. But that was, that was the training that I received before going and knocking on my first door.

Fortunately, I was paired with a coworker who ultimately became one of my very dearest, best friends of all time. We can cover that story in another episode. But she had been around the block, so to speak, and worked for the agency for many more years than I had, including having a background in law enforcement in another state.

And so, when I, when it came time to go to this address, you know, she appeared like a guardian angel at my desk and said, do you want to go together? And I was like, absolutely, please. And we went out to the family's home and knocked on the door. And after she knocks on the door, she kind of steps off to the side and I'm like, what are you doing? And she said, well, if the family responds by like shooting through the door, I don't want to be standing directly in front of it.

Something that had never occurred to this privileged white, straight, cis, young woman. That we could get shot or otherwise harmed, or that we were even at risk in this environment when, you know, me like you, we show up to this work armed with nothing but empathy and compassion. But my friend, because of her background in law enforcement, knew to teach me some things, like where to stand after you knock on the door, where to sit or not sit once you enter the family's home and things like that.

And boy, I was not only grateful for her, but probably she, you know, helped to mitigate my safety throughout the next couple of decades as I was doing the work, because there's a lot to know. In addition to all of the content that you just spoke to about the dynamics of a family and the feelings of a child and the perspectives of the parents, there's also the person doing the work and the care that's needed there.

How do you think you were able to do the work and do it effectively when you went into it being given some reading material and said, you know, like, go out, go do it? How did you best learn to do it? Wow, great question.

One I haven't been asked before, and I'm considering right now for the first time, I think the answer is relationships. I think relationships with people like my co-worker, who were willing to see, you know, that I was maybe a little on the na�ve side and kind of take me under her wing and show me some things that wouldn�t have occurred to me and that weren�t trained at the time. Um, also relationships with people, with the families. You know, I think and I say this with humility, um but I think in the absence of any education about how to do the job, the only thing I had to lean into was my own heart and skill with connecting with people and for me, um, it came naturally to let the family lead.
Which interestingly is, you know, what we ultimately learned is the best way to do the work, to share power, to empower, to not come down as, you know, power, I'm here from the government, I'm here to help.

Although, if I'm being completely honest, I think, in an unknowing and unconscious way, I too was part of the problem of misused and mishandled power. I didn't, I didn't understand my own sense of power enough to hold it or use it or share it with responsibility. And as you said, that's something I've only come to know, you know, with 2020 vision, in retrospect.

But I do think there's probably some gift in what I'm saying for the system and back to the system that it could learn about itself and use to maybe work to heal itself. But so relationships are my answer to your question. How did I survive? I built trust with the families and the kids that we served.

And I, and I trusted the people who had been doing the job longer than me, better than me, who knew more than me, my coworkers and supervisors, to be my teachers and sources of support. Yeah. When you were my supervisor, you once told me, no one knows a child better than their own parent.

Yeah. So, you, you knew. And I think I must have come to you when you said that to me, trying to figure out like, what am I supposed to do with this family? What am I supposed to, I don't even, I don't even know where to start.

And the guidance from that was let the parent help you figure it out. Mm. It is such an empowering way to think about the work.

I mean, even as therapists now, when we don't come in with the answers we're guiding and facilitating, helping our clients get there, get their own answer, but we don't have the answer for other people. And what happens in, in child welfare is you're walking into families that have their own culture. They have their own rituals and traditions and ways of looking at the world.

And you're not going to convince them by being authoritative that they need to see it your way. Yeah. Really all that does is shut people down.

They get defensive and they don't hear the next thing you say. So, the relationship, I love that you approached it just with let's have a relationship and figure it out. Let the family lead, let the family lead and figure it out so that the children can be in the most supportive environment with a family they love.

Yeah. And parents can get support. I will say that was one thing that I really did love once I learned that about doing child protection is that I could go in and say, I'm not, I'm not here with the answers.

Yes, I do look 12. And I don't have the answers and I will admit that, but I want to help you figure it out. And if I can, I want to help you access the resources that are available to you so that you do become the best parent you can be to love your children.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Um, that is what it is intended to do and that is how it is intended to happen.

And then we also know there are some complicating factors that don't always make that what we're describing, how the people that affects would describe the experience. Um, I can tell you if anyone showed up at my door today and knocked on it, I'd be pretty terrified and fear influences our perception. Absolutely.

So, as we, no matter what our intention was or currently for people doing the work, whatever your intention is, you can have the best of intentions, but people are thinking through fear. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, yeah. And when we're afraid it's the normal human experience and response to drop our protective gear. And so we're not, um, as I, as I'm always saying, we can't be protected and connected at the same time.

And we can't ask each other to open our hearts if the conditions aren't safe for us to do so. And when power isn't being shared, vulnerability isn't as likely to happen. Um, and I love where this conversation is going because it's like, these are the things I learned from my 25-year career in child welfare.

Right. So, in the end, it's like, it was one of my life's biggest and most important teachers. You know, I learned the lessons of my life, like what we just said, like on the living room couch of the families that I served.

That's where the training happened and the growth. Yeah. And I'll forever be grateful to it because it gave me you mutually.

Yeah. So, two things, there was so much I learned from the families that I worked with. Even no matter how much life experience you have, no matter how much education, no much, no matter how much wisdom we still never know everything.

Yeah. And if we keep an open heart and we're willing to learn, then we can help people in such better ways. The other thing is you and I were reflecting on a time when I was in your office, your little tiny closet office, and I want you to share that story.

Yeah. I, um, well, this is part of the connective tissue, back to our story of us, chapter one and episode one for SoulStirred. And as it's relative to today's chapter two and how we connected up in our child welfare careers, you came to me in my tiny little office, closet office with the narrow window at the end.

And I think you had been assigned a case that involved a family full of children who were disclosing sex abuse. And you said to me, I just need you to understand, um, my real-life backstory so that you can maybe appreciate what this is going to be like for me working with this family. And that day you shared with me what you shared with our SoulStirred audience in episode one.

And I just remember sitting with you and breathing into that moment and listening, um, and feeling so honored and privileged again, um, that you would trust me to share with me what felt like the most tender parts of you. And for the sake of asking for my help and support and guidance, truly, I think that's a moment, um, in our life and in my life where you were a teacher for me. Um, because what you didn't know about me was my episode one story.

And I had never shared with someone as bravely as you did with me that day. Um, I didn't have the mechanism in me to trust that you had as early on in my life. Um, and I just remember saying to you, I'm just so glad that you shared this with me because, you know, I saw so much obviously potential in you and the budding social worker in you.

Um, and so I, and I knew you could do the work. I knew that people needed you to be one of the people who was going to continue on the path of becoming helper healer for the sake of the world. Um, and that you would let me walk beside you to help you, you know, heal through your own experience and then go on to help heal others was really my honor.

What a gift. Do you remember what happened next after you told me? Yes. And let me add that life is full of moments like that, but we filter through them and we can only remember so much.

So, I was surprised when Casey told me that she remembered that day in that moment, because it stands out in my mind. It really was a teachable moment for me. I remember walking into your office.

I remember your little window and sitting in the chair and I was crying and I was worried that I was going to screw it all up, that I was going to screw it up for these kids. I was worried that I was going to get found out that someone was going to go. How could you know what is best for these kids? Look at your life.

And Casey, you said to me, you know, you're not alone. Many people end up in this field because they have been children who experienced sexual abuse or some sort of childhood trauma, and they have grown up and wanted to help other children and help other people because of it. And Casey didn't remember that when I reminded her of it, but she said that to me.

And I remember going, really? I thought everyone here had perfect childhoods. And I was the only one. Until that moment, I really did believe that.

And I've spent my life thinking everyone has their own story. Everyone has the good and the bad that has made them. We're not alone.

We're right in front of people who can connect to us and share with us and experience life authentically with us. Yeah. Amen.

The more I learn, the less I know. Isn't that true? And as one of my mentors in the child welfare training world used to say, we can never know the story that brought this person to this moment. And I think that's true for you and me.

I think that's true for our SoulStirred audience. I think that's true for our clients at Tribe. And I think that's true for the all of humanity.

If we could all just embrace a little bit of less judgment and a little more curiosity, maybe then others will follow what we're up to here, Em, and be willing to share the truth of who they are for the sake of all of us understanding a little more, sharing a little more of the power and crossing the divide, connecting. Let's reconnect. Yes.

Connect with curiosity. We don't ever know everything. So connect with curiosity.

I'd love that. Yeah. All right.

Well, does that sum it up for today? I think it does. It feels complete to me. Me too.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing this part of your story and you yours with me and with our listening audience. If we've inspired any of you to share your stories with us and or if you'd like to hear more about the stories we've shared with you, write to us at soulstirredpodcast@gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you and stay tuned for chapter three.

It will be coming up sometime soon. Coming soon to a podcast near you. Have a great day.

Take good care of yourselves and each other. Bye. Bye.

Thanks so much for joining us on this episode of SoulStirred, stories of growth and the human experience. We hope our stories have touched your heart and sparked reflections in your own journey. Remember while we are therapists, we are not your therapist.

And this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. If you find yourself in need of professional support, please don't hesitate to seek it. Your wellbeing is important and there are professionals out there who are ready to help.

We encourage you to carry the spirit of growth and connection with you. Life is a continuous journey and we're honored to be part of yours. Stay tuned for more captivating stories in the episodes to come.

Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.