SoulStirred: Stories of Growth And The Human Experience

Emily Garcia (00:03)
Welcome lovely listeners to SoulStirred Stories of Growth and the Human Experience. I'm Emily Garcia. And I'm Kasey Clark. We will be your guides on this journey. We are so glad you are here. Each week, we'll come together, sometimes with other incredible thinkers, creators, and adventurers, to generously share stories of self-discovery, recovery, triumph, and what it means to live a life on purpose. No matter where you are in your own journey,

connection is here for you at SoulStirred Settle in, take a deep breath in, and let's inspire each other. Welcome to SoulStirred

Emily (00:48)
Welcome back, SoulStirred listeners. Today we are here with Cynthia Giacchino, born in rural America, specifically the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Cynthia grew up learning about nature from her father and brother. Nature has always been an important part of her life, especially the healing powers of moving water. Cynthia graduated from Northern Michigan University in Marquette, Michigan.

with a degree in teaching and taught in Wisconsin for 34 years before moving to Colorado to be near her son and his family. A new friendship led her to write her book, Quiet Fear. This book is about childhood abuse and healing as an adult. The writing process took her six years. After living seven decades of life, she now feels it is never too late to find yourself again. She realized that waiting for

Prince Charming or a Prince in shining armor isn't the best way to go through life, so she is reaching out to her readers to become their own hero. Never give in to the shame and guilt of our perpetrators is her message. It belongs only to them. Join together, help one another, and love yourself again. Welcome, Cynthia.

CynthiaGiachino (02:04)
Thank you. Thank you for having me here.

Kasey (02:08)
I am so excited to have you, Cynthia. I already know that you are so much fun for me to talk to, and there is so much here to be learned. For myself, Emily, our SoulStirred audience, become your own hero is what we're talking about today. And Cynthia, like Emily and I, and so many of our listeners has a story that has moved through the generations and across cultures.

from healing or from harm through healing and into leadership. Her book is definitely a worthy read. And I for one am just thrilled to have you and to dive into this conversation with you today. Emily, do you want to show our listeners the book we're talking

Emily (02:53)
Yeah, yeah. So this is Quiet Fear. It is a really incredible book and a powerful story. One of the things that you write about in the very beginning, and it's something that comes up multiple times, is being a good girl and how that relates to the story behind so much abuse. It's like be a good girl and that we want to be nice girls and

You know, even as adults, so many women don't want to be seen as being, you know, aggressive when they're being assertive or standing up for themselves and being portrayed or seen as someone who's not collaborative. And so I think there's a, you just have so many amazing messages and I'm really grateful that you wrote the

CynthiaGiachino (03:41)
Thank you. Thank you. And the writing was there because, you know, I wanted to open up thinking processes and minds and help make, you know, women and men to help open that door to talk and discuss and feel safe.

doing it and feel comfortable doing it. I know I've done a few book clubs and I love to come back and meet with the book club. And there's always one or two women that have come out and said, for the first time in my life, I'm talking about what I went through. And I'm just like, let's go off my screen. It's like,

It's done. You know, it's you're sick. You're OK now. You're here and and let the healing begin. It's a long journey and it's not an easy one. And sometimes it can be expensive. Sometimes it can cost money. And I know we gave up. A lot of family vacations and. It was worth it just to be a better mother and a better person.

But it's a hard journey. It's not easy. I'm not writing a book to tell everybody, know, let it go, put it in a purple balloon and watch it fly away. I've been told to do that so many times. And I'm like, you have no idea how many balloons I have floating around up there. But it was only that simple. Good for a while. But it didn't last long.

Kasey (05:08)
Wow.

Emily (05:18)
Yeah.

If only it were that simple.

Kasey (05:28)
Yeah.

we all have a unique story. And for me, what's what was beautiful was when I discovered like owning my story means owning my truth, the truth of who I am, you know, and every part of my story is who made me who I am. And, and I understand from the healing process, it, you know, it takes time and energy and investment.

CynthiaGiachino (05:36)
Mm -hmm

Right.

Good luck.

Kasey (06:02)
in yourself and your story and understanding your story to come to understand that when you've been a victim of harm or abuse or mistreatment of any kind, not gotten your needs met in your relationships with your caregivers, that that's how you take your power back by standing squarely in your story, not hiding it in a secret place that believes some part of you is full of shame.

CynthiaGiachino (06:30)
rates.

Kasey (06:32)
that shame belongs, give that shit back to the perpetrator. You know, that it wasn't yours ever to start with. So, yeah.

CynthiaGiachino (06:35)
Right.

I think, you you bring up the word shame. as I released this book, I start off as a toddler. My uncle was in child pornography. So I was groomed right from birth.

And I became one of his pornography kids when he would come up to visit. And from pornography, as I got older, it changed into sexual assaults and rape and everything else. But when you talk about the word shame, it's funny when you write a book and you're telling your whole life story,

you're really putting yourself out there. Okay. It's raw and it's, you don't know how people are going to respond. And to this day, most people, I feel like they're ashamed. You know, like they'll come up to me and they'll say, I just loved your book. It's, it was just so helpful. I learned so much. And,

They really don't want it's like they feel. I feel like they have shame for reading it and not being able to talk to me about it like they would like to. So it's interesting how then know, shame and anger kind of are twisted together aren't they? The two? Totally. Yes.

Kasey (08:19)
Totally, totally. they keep us in hiding. And it's a step away from that dark cave for those folks to even walk up to you and say, your book touched me. It meant something to me. My story has similarities to yours. It's you're giving permission. You're creating that opening for them to walk onto the path towards freedom.

CynthiaGiachino (08:30)
Yes.

Emily (08:31)
Mm -hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (08:45)
Right. Yes. And I find that college age women and younger women seem to be more like they're actually kind of looking forward to making that step. And then I find that women my age and their 60s and 70s, you

It's a lot more, it seems more deeper emotionally, you know, the crying and, and, and they feel, they just feel so bad, you know, and it's, it's like, but you still have a lot of life. You know, you can still work on it and you can make what you have all the years and decades in front of you so much, at least lighter, healthier, just a little

brighter. I used to never have a good day. And then when I went through, my gosh, my goal was to have one good day a week. And I then I had really bad agoraphobia developing me. I didn't want to leave my house. I was I was a teacher. I had to get through this. And

Kasey (09:47)
Amen.

CynthiaGiachino (10:11)
It was like one good day. And then when I had one good day, was, well, I can do two. And eventually I was up to having six good days a week. And I figured everybody's got to have one bad day. So I just called myself part of society at that point. And it's really important for me to have those good days. remember what it was like to wake up in a dark place every day.

was hard.

Kasey (10:43)
And you climbed your way out one day at a time.

CynthiaGiachino (10:46)
Yes, the light. Yes, I did one day at a time, but I did have professional help. And I don't, I didn't get a lot of light. I had a lot of support from my sister and brother. Mom and dad with time were helpful, especially my father.

But professional help was

helped me make the biggest gains in growth. like you said in the beginning, I really just believe that a shining like a guy, a man was going to just swoop me up and just make everything go away and life was just going to be so perfect with that right partner game. I couldn't.

that that's crazy. I just, that's why I say you have to be your own hero. Eventually I realized I'm not Cinderella. I'm not Snow White. I'm none of the Disney characters that I believed in when I was a little girl. And I knew that the only white horse was the horse that I was going to ride because you have to do it yourself. You, really can't look to somebody else.

Emily (11:55)
Thank

CynthiaGiachino (12:20)
to do it for you. It has to be, you own it. And you know what, that's kind of cool. If the first thing you have to own is a dark, depressed, horrible place, well, okay, that's it. That's yours. Nobody else owns that but you. And you can go from there and you can take it anywhere you want with help. But I mean, even owning

is important. And that's how you heal. I think.

Emily (12:53)
Yeah.

It's an interesting thing when you have gone through intense trauma and you are an adult and you have those bad days and the bad days outnumber the good and you're, it's like when you were talking about the women in their thirties or forties and they're like, I, just how it is. And I don't know what to do. And you start to think there can never be anything that's different, but then you make a choice and go, okay, well, can I have a good day or can I get help or.

Am I sick enough of having the bad days that I want something to be different? That you want it enough that you change it because so often for people it feels like this is too hard and I'm carrying it around and I'm putting all of my energy into pushing it down so that I can ignore it. That I don't want to go get help and bring it out because then I actually have to like acknowledge

And really, once you let it out, it's like the pot that's boiling over, you turn the valve down and it starts to simmer. But we think once I say it out loud, it's going to keep boiling over. I'm wondering for you, what happened that made you actually decide to get

CynthiaGiachino (14:10)
had a child. Becoming a mother opened up the the five years before I had my my son. I really don't think I thought about anything in my past. I was rolling I was partying. I was looking for a husband.

Kasey (14:13)
soon.

CynthiaGiachino (14:35)
had my own career, I had gone to college. Life was just, I thought was really fun. And after three years of marriage, my husband and I, we decided to have a child. Little did I know that during pregnancy, because I had not gone for help yet, a lot of memories can start falling from the back to the front of your head.

And I had a real hard, hard, emotional pregnancy, which related into some physical problems because of my anxiety and panic attacks. And I just I was a mess.

giving birth did not go well for me because of some of the damage done to me and my cervix. Things weren't in the right places that they should be. And I ended up hemorrhaging and I quit having labor. So, and labor, you know,

keeps pressing on your veins to keep you from bleeding. So when you stop having the contractions and they're gone, you just start hemorrhaging. Yeah. So I actually, kind of passed away there on the table and I was code blue and they had to get a new team of people in and bring me back and

Kasey (15:54)
bleeding.

CynthiaGiachino (16:08)
give me blood transfusions and that. I just, it was just, I don't know how many women out there are, you know, have stories like that to tell about giving birth. But for me, it was, it was devastating. And I wish I would know now, I wish I would have known then what I know now. I wish I would have shared it with my doctor. I wish I would have, you

done things a lot differently, but I had not had therapy yet. And when I was holding Nick, I just knew that I wasn't right. I needed something to help me, someone to help me. And I wouldn't take medication. I was very stubborn about drugs because of my abuse, drugs were used. So there was a very negative feeling about you're not going to give me anything.

And then I had this one psychologist and therapist that said, we can't work with you. You're so that we can't even get through to you. And you need to just start this one little pill. It was an antidepressant. And it was a little bit awesome for anxiety. And she said, we'll start you so low and so slow.

And you decide if it's helping you or not. And of course it did. I was able to stop and actually get one full thought out of my head. And that was the beginning of becoming a better person in society, better teacher, better wife, better mother, a better self. Yeah.

Kasey (17:48)
Mm -hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (18:02)
So that's where it brought me up to that. having a child can be really, really traumatizing for a lot of women and probably for men too, who are watching all of this happen and have been abused. I'm sure that's really difficult for them.

Emily (18:03)
That's powerful.

CynthiaGiachino (18:21)
Well, I do admit that I have a mental illness. have PTSD and I have anxiety and I have depression. And that's not something that I was born with, but something that life gave me. And I need help with that. I get help. I'm fine. So there's light at the end of the tunnel. Yes.

Kasey (18:36)
Yeah.

human review.

CynthiaGiachino (18:49)
Yes, it's hard to talk about all that but

Kasey (18:53)
I'm sure, I'm sure. Do you mind a little more or would you like us to switch gears?

CynthiaGiachino (18:57)
no, it's, it needs to be talked about because there's so many misconceptions about it. And, you know, I've had many people come up and say, I dumped that doctor. And I'm like, well, he was really, he's a really good doctor. And she was, run away, you want to put me on an antidepressant? And I'm like, you know, maybe

just a little one, you know, and then they yell at me and I say, okay, you know, it's your.

Kasey (19:31)
sounds like she handled that situation with you with such gentleness and to give you the choice. Like we're going to start you really low and really slow and then you decide if it's making you feel better and you want more. I mean, what a great, what a, it sounded like a beautiful way to get through to you. To me, I'm curious. I am a big believer in the theory of like the body speaks the mind.

CynthiaGiachino (19:40)
Really love it.

Yes.

it

the body knows.

Kasey (20:01)
And so I'm curious how you've lined up the experience of Nick's traumatic birth and what happened to you as a child. You know, from a trauma -informed perspective, what sense have you made out of those things, how you were harmed and then how it reopened for you during the childbirth process?

do you see a connection between the you endured as a child and the fact that you weren't aware until you went through the same kind of traumatic experience with the same parts of your body? Yeah.

CynthiaGiachino (20:25)
yes, yes, absolutely.

my gosh, the, my gosh, the, when you have a child, there is no sacred part of your body, right? I mean.

Kasey (20:43)
Right. It's all half wide open to the world.

CynthiaGiachino (20:46)
wide open to the world and anybody and everybody is doing things that A person without trauma sees it as a physical necessity, know, it's,

It's natural. It's what we do. It's medical. It's what we do to get the baby out. It's what our body it's how we're made. growing up as with a sexual undertone completely from toddler to would stop to when I was 19. That's a long

Kasey (21:04)
What you gotta do to get the baby here? Right. It's

CynthiaGiachino (21:32)
So like the movie in fifth grade, I talk about this in my book, years ago, parents, that was the only sex education you got, was the movie that you saw in fifth grade. The parents never talked to you about it. Most parents, they'll just say, well, what did the movie say? And I found that movie

Emily (21:32)
Yes.

Kasey (21:51)
Mm -hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (21:56)
I had my first panic attack in fifth grade watching that movie. When I saw the male anatomy, I saw it sexually, not anatomically. My brain was already messed up. And I realized when I was 16 with my boyfriend that

there's another whole part of the body. It's not all sexual. It's a physical body, your brain. And I started studying anatomy, and I'm still very into anatomy because I missed that growing up. I missed that whole phase. And I just saw everything as being part of the sexual part of life. Everything. Having breasts, having

anything at all. It was like, well, this is what guys like, or this is what a man wants. so when I went through labor, and I had all these people, and they're digging in me and poking in me and doing all this, this is my private body. And I couldn't control it. I could have had no control.

You have no control in pregnancy. Your body knows what to do. Your body just does it. And you can't say stop or anything. It just does its thing. I, that loss of control during delivery, the loss of my privacy, it

Emily (23:29)
Mm -hmm.

Kasey (23:43)
Hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (23:44)
took me right back to almost every situation. I was not present giving birth. I was, I was gone. I was, was dissociating. I was all over the place. And I was that way for about three years after. It took a good three to five. By year five, I was doing pretty good.

Kasey (23:48)
Yeah.

Yeah.

CynthiaGiachino (24:11)
I was on half my medication amount. brought it way down. I was doing a lot of natural treatments with the medical treatments. I put the two together. That made me feel more in control of my body. And it just started opening up a lot. But yes, during the delivery, my God, I was, I was on.

Kasey (24:35)
It's just something to and today I would not have thought of this before, but there needs to like, there's a need there for people like Emily and I to serve women like you before the trauma we re awakening during the child. Right? Someone could have helped support that process and maybe you wouldn't have had to have almost died to get your child here.

CynthiaGiachino (24:47)
yes. Yes, I would do a pre -pregnancy.

Absolutely. You know, I I didn't feel comfortable telling my doctor at that point. I was, I was the normal victim of destruction. I, you know, I was holding everything in and trying to make it better just by myself and avoiding, I dissociate a lot. I still do, just blank out.

It's a part of it's a way the body works to protect us when we're going through more than what we can handle. So that's another good thing about healing is that some of the things that set me off when I was younger, they don't do anything to me now. I mean, I don't even get a rapid heart rate from it's like, I can do this.

Emily (25:36)
Mm

CynthiaGiachino (26:00)
And it's so much fun to have that feeling. And then again, you know, if you you weigh on it too long, you think of the losses. But, you know, with losses, there are gains. And that's something you learn as you age that you look back and you, you know, yeah, I didn't have the time with my mom that I wanted and I didn't have

time with my dad that I wanted. And, you know, but I had some good years with them. After I broke silence and before they passed away, I would have felt awful if I would have lost them and never tried to fix our relationship. So it has good to it, you know, you just don't go down the river of dark and shame and guilt.

You get off that boat and you walk in the woods and in life and life is really very precious. It's very beautiful.

Emily (26:58)
Okay.

Kasey (27:07)
Yeah.

Emily (27:08)
Right. Yeah. You know, one of the things that you talk about in the book, and I think you say it when you're meeting with the therapist is, I wish I had loved myself more. And that definitely goes with what you're saying is that we have these moments where you look back and go, I wish I had more time with them. Or I wish I had loved myself more because I would have done something different.

Kasey (27:21)
Mm.

Emily (27:33)
But we also know that all of those moments when we didn't love ourselves, that that was a lesson and that later on we can look back and go, look how far I've come and I get to love myself now. Which is incredible. Yeah. What are the things that you're doing at this point in your life to love yourself?

CynthiaGiachino (27:45)
Right, Yes.

you know, it's really funny you said that. As I just made this very...

I was working with my book with the, don't get too excited here, but I do have an optional, an option contract with a big movie industry. So we're playing around with that, okay? Don't know yet. But so we have to do themes. And one of the themes was good versus evil.

Emily (28:10)
Yeah.

Kasey (28:22)
I'm gonna let that be you.

CynthiaGiachino (28:27)
Now look at the childhood writing there. That's me. And I just wrote this. like when I was growing up, if you were a good girl, you believed in God and Jesus. But my bad girl believed in the devil at hell. Okay. When I was a good girl, I believed in everything white, clean.

Emily (28:28)
I'm here.

CynthiaGiachino (28:52)
Beautiful birds singing, deer drinking out of the river. My bad girl was dirty and she was ugly.

If I was a good girl, that's when I was honest. The bad girl in me lied.

A good girl is deserving, a bad girl was not worthy.

Good meant good, bad meant

Good was life is sunny and light and fun. And my dark life was dark, fearful, anxious and scary. I'm still doing things like this to just keep me going. And I mean, I let myself print. I didn't even notice that until just now. I was pretty.

Kasey (29:42)
Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (29:52)
So I was probably thinking about like a third grader, second grader, but I needed to do that. I don't know why, but I don't really question myself anymore. Now that I've become my own hero, can do things like that and feel good about it. But

Emily (30:09)
Yeah.

CynthiaGiachino (30:14)
Nowadays, my main goal in life, getting up every day, is to stay with the day. Because too much of my life has been in the past or in just nowhere, just in a dark place and afraid of everything, just so afraid of everything.

Emily (30:40)
Mm

CynthiaGiachino (30:41)
And so now I just try so hard every day to stay grounded. I'm here. I'm right here. Look around. I am not 16. I'm not three. I'm not seven. I am here. And I two beautiful grandchildren. And I love the Dickens Audubon. And they are growing up because in a family,

close family or close friends with an abuser, if you don't break that cycle, it will continue. And I could not do that to my little nieces and nephews. I could not do that to my son. And I broke that cycle with a cousin who was also abused by the same uncle. And

I look at my grandchildren now and nobody from that side of the family, from that link, is allowed anywhere near any of us. And I mean, they're not afraid and they're not anxious and they're not twirling their hair and biting their nails and they're just having fun. They're just kids. Yes! Yes!

Emily (32:02)
They're being children. Yeah. Yeah.

Kasey (32:04)
They're getting to be kids.

CynthiaGiachino (32:07)
And it's so lovely to see. And that's what I focus on every day is trying to be a better person than I was yesterday, every day.

Emily (32:19)
Yeah, thank you for that. And I want to emphasize what you said, that if you don't break the cycle, it will continue. And I have said in my own life that shame will fester within secrets. And secrets are what allow abuse to continue. And so what you have done is you have said, I'm not going to let that shame fester.

CynthiaGiachino (32:25)
It will.

Yes.

Emily (32:45)
I am not going to allow a secret that will hurt other people. I am going to face it head on, which is really hard to do, but you've done it. When we talked last time, there was a technique that you said your therapist gave you about when that little girl or the young woman gets in front of you that you use. Do you remember what that was?

CynthiaGiachino (32:52)
Yes?

Yes. I still tell her to go back. Yes. Yes. He said, put your hands out and say, no, and put her back there and don't let her get past her outstretched arms because she wants to be out front. She wants to be in charge. I'm an adult now and I want, you

Emily (33:09)
Okay? Yes.

CynthiaGiachino (33:30)
I'm in charge. And so she's pretty good. I mean, I feel like my inner child and my angry rebellious teenager are, they're not completely trusting of me yet, but we're getting really close. We're getting really close.

Emily (33:50)
Cool.

CynthiaGiachino (33:52)
And I think that's when you start seeing stuff like this. It's you're allowing yourself to work with that age and it's no longer shameful or a secret. I tell my grandchildren, I just told her last week, somebody said, this is a secret. Don't tell mom and dad or your mom and dad about it. And I really didn't care for that.

So she's seven and I figured she's old enough. And I said to her, I said, when someone says that this is a secret and you shouldn't tell anybody about it, especially your parents, that's when you really tell your parents about it. That's something you really, really go home and make a big loud announcement because it's so important. Yes.

Emily (34:39)
Mm -hmm.

Kasey (34:40)
Yeah!

Yeah!

Emily (34:52)
It's true.

Kasey (34:52)
especially then.

CynthiaGiachino (34:53)
Yep. It's that whole communication process that I think breaks down in families of a lot of, I really wish there wasn't another. I don't, the word victim has always bothered me. I don't know what it is. I almost feel, I don't know, I'll find a word before I die. really, I just am working on it.

Kasey (35:18)
think it helps to use descriptors rather than labels. So it's like maybe I'm a person who was harmed by another person. It doesn't make me a victim. Victim is a choice. But I have trauma. I'm a person with trauma, which really doesn't make me any different from any other person.

Emily (35:22)
Mm -hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (35:26)
Yeah, or yeah, traumatized. Yeah.

Emily (35:33)
Yeah.

CynthiaGiachino (35:36)
Right, right. Yeah, that's -hmm. Victim just seems

Emily (35:42)
And it's not a label that you have to continue to be. That it can be that I was victimized or I was traumatized, but now I am. You can use a descriptor or I am a survivor or I am my own hero. I am my own knight in shining armor.

CynthiaGiachino (35:44)
Right.

Kasey (35:52)
my own hero.

CynthiaGiachino (35:53)
Yes, I am the white horse and the knight. Yes, I am the new Disney character.

Kasey (35:58)
Right. My own white horse. Exactly. Both. I'm the writer and the rescuer.

Emily (36:03)
Yes. Yeah.

I get to love myself now. Is there anything we haven't asked that you want to make sure to say?

CynthiaGiachino (36:09)
Right.

Just maybe a little bit about the book. The story Quiet Fear is, it's an, I wrote it in third person. It's a detailed book, but it's done tastefully. And I did, when I wrote the whole book telling my story, and then I found this editor and she gave it back to me and she said,

I don't want to read it until you show me. Don't tell me. I've read a ton of books where they tell, tell, tell, tell, tell. She said, I want you to show me, show me what happened at that kitchen table. Show me. So I had to learn. Yes. The moment. Yes. That totally taught me a new way of writing. So it took me another three years to rewrite it.

Kasey (36:54)
Mm -hmm.

Don't tell me about it, but the moment of it. Yes.

CynthiaGiachino (37:15)
so it's a book that shows more than it tells. And it's actually two books in one where I actually have like a self -help sections where I'm in therapy and we're talking about, like dissociation and what that is and how it happens and why it happens. But I'm tying it into my life.

as a child and a teenager growing up. So it's kind of two stories in one, and we call that a autobiographical novel. And that's the actual term of what I wrote. And yes, and I wrote it for everybody to read because every parent is going to face some point in their life, this discussion with their children.

that will grow up and have children. So eventually at some point, families need to talk about this. And I'm hoping that this will open up doors much easier for some.

And for women to talk with women, or men to talk with women to talk with other men, it's a tool. It's a tool in the communication process of helping this and in our society, being a little bit more aware of the signs of children. And, you know, a lot of, mean, my mom and dad, can...

Emily (38:28)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (38:56)
Remember when I broke silence and, you know, they went back to how I was such like their favorite kid and I was so good. And how did I end up being the monster, the bad sheep of the family? And my dad was just so able to put it together so quickly that, you know, how did we handle you all wrong?

Yeah, you did that. You certainly did.

Kasey (39:28)
Yeah. We could add that almost in your printed third grade girl list over there. Good girls stay quiet. Bad girls break silence.

Emily (39:29)
Yeah.

CynthiaGiachino (39:39)
Yes. Yeah.

Emily (39:39)
Yeah.

Kasey (39:42)
I actually believe and think and see in you when one woman gets brave enough to tell the truth about her life, the entire world splits wide open.

CynthiaGiachino (39:52)
I hope because it's so prevalent all over the world and it's just actually, I don't think the numbers are really going down, especially with all the sex trafficking right now. It's just really hard for me. I

Kasey (39:55)
That's what you've done here.

Emily (40:09)
Hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (40:17)
I want to like still get a book, one of those big horns and I want to have street signs. I want to go back to the sixties and seventies and march and protest because I just feel like it, it just shouldn't be here this strongly. You know, it's like just wrong. know, it's, it's, yeah. It's a, you're not a, you don't, it's not a victim. It's

Kasey (40:27)
Thank you.

Emily (40:27)
Yeah.

Kasey (40:37)
unnecessary.

CynthiaGiachino (40:46)
You're born with this soul and a part of your heart and that part of you kind of, it never gets taken away from you, but it gets damaged.

It's like, it's kind of like what this one doctor said, I can't remember who it was, that it's like surgery. If someone cuts you open and they fix you on the inside and they sew you up, but every time you take a shower or every time you change clothes, you see that scum.

And that scar is never going to go away. It's with you for your life. And that really made a lot of sense to me because I don't see it as a

Kasey (41:33)
Mm -hmm.

Emily (41:37)
Great.

CynthiaGiachino (41:48)
I see it as more damaging, I think, as, you know, it's a victim, you know, like, I don't know, I just don't like that word, is it's deeper. It's more cutting. It is. Yes. Yeah, it cuts you open. It does. And it does change your life. It changes what you do in life and who you marry. It changes a

Emily (42:02)
cuts into your soul.

Kasey (42:04)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (42:18)
in your life. And so I take it really, really seriously. Yeah, and I did as a teacher too, you know, as you know, to the teachers out there, I know it's paperwork. It's touchy. A lot of time you're dealing with homes that are a little scary. And but it is our job to report even if we

Emily (42:26)
Yeah, yeah.

Kasey (42:27)
We left it.

CynthiaGiachino (42:48)
suspected. And I always did. I have a lot of yellow forms. And I you know, and sometimes it maybe it just shakes, pairing up enough to to

Kasey (42:51)
Mm -hmm.

Emily (42:59)
Yeah

CynthiaGiachino (43:09)
Who knows?

Kasey (43:11)
They left an indelible mark on you that changed the trajectory of your whole life. And certainly it caused you a lot of pain and entanglements, right, in relationship and throughout your life. And now it sounds like you, becoming your own hero, are also going to turn it into perhaps your biggest blessing.

CynthiaGiachino (43:15)
Yes, it

Kasey (43:34)
I'm going to hope that for you with the book and maybe the TV network movie and, you know, because of what you've done with it.

Emily (43:36)
Yes.

CynthiaGiachino (43:39)
Maybe, who knows? But just seeing my son and I mean, that in itself is so rewarding. He's a 43 year old man now and he's such a wonderful father and he doesn't have these memories. he's filled his head with just, he's had trauma.

I will tell you that my son has had medical treatment, but he has been able to fill his head mostly with just all the wonderful things that we need to realize are out there every single day. you know, friends and, my gosh, he had so many parties and this and that and dances and fun stuff that you're supposed to do.

And his head is full of that and my grandchildren are going down that road too. every struggle and every penny I spent, it's so worth it. It's so worth

Emily (44:50)
Yeah, that's your legacy. It is that you stopped that cycle of abuse and you made a very intentional choice to show up over and over and over again for yourself and for the people who come after you in your lineage because there is no better legacy than that. that is, that's the message today is you get to make a choice and show up for yourself. So as we finish

CynthiaGiachino (45:14)
Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Emily (45:20)
We want to ask you, what are you grateful for?

CynthiaGiachino (45:23)
I thought about this every night I do grateful in my prayers. I don't miss that. If I fall asleep by accident, I wake up and I start my whole prayer thing going again. But basically I think overall because of so much healing that I've done in that, I'm just so thankful for my breath

Kasey (45:37)
Sweet.

CynthiaGiachino (45:49)
I have had to learn to re -breathe and we just never think about breathing because it happens. we people who are working with trying to be better every day, we sometimes forget to breathe. We hold our breath or we breathe way up here and breathing.

Every day, it's just like I wake up and I take those deep breaths and I fill my chest up with it. And at night before I go to sleep, I take my deep breaths and I just fill my chest up with it and cleanse all that air in me and breathing. It's just so good for our bodies and it's so good for your head and your whole body. And then you can do all these other things you can be grateful for.

But just take a breath. Yes. It is. It is really, it's that simple people. mean, it's that is simple, but.

Kasey (46:46)
I love that Cynthia.

Emily (46:46)
Breathing is healing.

CynthiaGiachino (46:57)
It once again, I went to someone who did this for, you know, they studied it and they, they live with this every day on how to help other people breathe correctly, who have experienced trauma. Because many people who have experienced trauma do not, we don't breathe. I mean, I hold my breath all the time. And that goes all the way

Emily (47:22)
Mm -hmm.

CynthiaGiachino (47:23)
I can remember the very first time I held my breath. I was four years old. I was hiding behind a big coal furnace with my doll. And I was trying not to be found by my uncle. And I thought he could hear me breathe. And that's why he always found me. And so because he was a stalker, he stalked first. And so I just learned to just hold my

And from that day on, just, I started breathing just, and I'm still working on it, folks. I'm still working on the breathing. I have an appointment on Tuesday. So I'm not going to stop.

Kasey (48:09)
It's a I had a Pranayama coach one time say to me, the distance between you and God lives in your breath.

Emily (48:11)
Yeah, we're always working on it.

CynthiaGiachino (48:20)
Amen. Yes, I agree. Yes. One breath.

Kasey (48:23)
And so it is. Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Emily (48:25)
And so it is. thank you so much for joining us today.

CynthiaGiachino (48:29)
Thank you for having me on.

I appreciate

Kasey (48:33)
It was really wonderful having you and sharing your story. Thanks for sharing it with us. I just know that so many people are going to, it's relatable. And the way that you not only have told it in your book, but the way that you've lived it in your life is really admirable.

CynthiaGiachino (48:42)
Yes.

Thank you.

Kasey (48:50)
SoulStirred listeners, thank you so much for joining us today as we bring you stories of growth in the human experience. We appreciate you and we have a request for you. If you will take 30 seconds to do these three things for us. One, follow or subscribe to Solstead podcast.

This makes sure you never miss an episode and helps us to make sure you never miss an episode. Head over to your preferred platform, click the Soul -Stirred Podcast Show page, and click the plus sign or the follow button. Second, we'd love it if you could give us a five -star rating while you're there. Finally, choose your favorite episode and share it with a friend.

Emily (49:30)
We are so grateful to all of our listeners for your continued support helping Soul Stirred grow and ultimately inspire others through authentic connection. Don't hesitate to reach out with ideas, stories or questions. We are always eager to hear from you. Our email and social links are found in every episode's show notes. Until next time, keep stirring your soul and embracing your journey.

Kasey (49:56)
Take good care of yourselves and of each other. Bye bye.