SoulStirred: Stories of Growth And The Human Experience

Emily Garcia (00:03)
Welcome lovely listeners to SoulStirred Stories of Growth and the Human Experience. I'm Emily Garcia. And I'm Kasey Clark. We will be your guides on this journey. We are so glad you are here. Each week, we'll come together, sometimes with other incredible thinkers, creators, and adventurers, to generously share stories of self-discovery, recovery, triumph, and what it means to live a life on purpose. No matter where you are in your own journey,

connection is here for you at SoulStirred Settle in, take a deep breath in, and let's inspire each other. Welcome to SoulStirred

Emily (00:48)
Welcome back, Solstead listeners. We are happy that you are here to join us today. We are in the middle of the 66 Day Gratitude Challenge. It is not too late to join. If you want to participate, go to tribemindbody .com forward slash gratitude and you can get all of the details. It is good for your emotional health, your physical health, your relationships and your overall wellbeing. And it is just enough time to form a habit.

and allow gratitude to be a part of your life. So check it out. Today, we are here with Cristina Schutz. Cristina is a multi -passionate entrepreneur and seasoned coach dedicated to empowering aspiring women entrepreneurs. With a foundation in corporate operations and development, she has successfully established multiple ventures, including Denver's Tailor & Co. Realty Group and Crate & Bloom Flower Studio.

Cristina's coaching business, which is called Cristina S stands out as a catalyst for entrepreneurs seeking guidance and inspiration. Her journey is marked by overcoming intense personal challenges, like many from breaking generational cycles of trauma and hardship to navigating the aftermath of an abusive relationship. These experiences have not only shaped her into a resilient business owner,

but also infused her coaching philosophy with deep empathy and a focus on the transformative power of choice. Cristina believes in not just facing challenges, but mastering them, a principle she passionately instills in her clients. What a beautiful bio. Welcome, Cristina.

Cristina (02:28)
Thank you so much. I'm excited to be here with you both.

Kasey (02:31)
We're so excited to have you, Christina. This is a story of incredible resiliency and transformation. And I'm just thrilled to dig in with you and hear more about it. So tell us and share with our Solstead audience, where does your story begin?

Cristina (02:48)
Yeah, I think for me, it feels there's so many chapters to it, right? And so it always feels it began one place, but then I'm like, maybe it began here and it kind of continues to move and progress as things change. But I really think for me, it really started at 17. So I come from a single mom. one older sibling, a sister, and at 17, I wasn't just yet done with high school, but ended up needing to move out on my own.

and just kind of start life, right? And finish school and all those things. And I didn't know it then, but now in my late thirties, I've realized like, that was a moment for me. That was a big pivotal step to understand the life I needed to create for myself instead of just kind of sitting back and sometimes woe is me, right? We get stuck in that victim kind of mindset. And I've had many of those fricking moments, believe me.

But then just that was a pivotal moment to say, okay, I'm 17. I need to work full time. I need to create a life for myself. It didn't know what that meant by any means, but I just knew looking around, I didn't want it to be what I grew up with. My mom is wonderful. It was nothing like that, but we struggled. Sometimes we didn't have rent, times we didn't have a car. We didn't have food all the time. It was just shit like that, that I was like, I don't want this.

I don't know my father was a big thing to me, like not to have a kid young, maybe even never like not married because that I missed that. Right. And so there was all these things that happened definitely early on, but at 17, it just kind of clicked. And then it was like, okay, you got to make a decision. And that decision for me was how can I just get through what life gave me and use it to just really push myself forward?

and make mistakes, because that's what we do, but learn from those mistakes to really create the life I knew I wanted and ultimately deserve.

Kasey (04:46)
Yeah, amen, sister. Seriously, and what you're saying is such deep wisdom. Are you saying you kind of knew that somehow at 17?

Cristina (04:55)
Yes. Yes. So my whole life, everyone has called me an old soul. And whether it's woo woo, you believe that. I don't even know if I believe in it, but it is this weird part of me that almost feels like a part of me has been through something before. I just am tethered to that old part of me. I love it and hate it because I think it made me grow up really fast. And maybe my surroundings just caused it, right? My environment just created it.

but yeah, I feel like I've always just had this like old soul in this intuition. And when I act on it, it's usually pretty good, but obviously do you think I was like perfect at 17? Hell no. I partied all the time. It was great. I lived on my own in high school. it was the best time ever. But I also worked full time. I still graduated. I still had good grades. I still went to college, you know, it wasn't the stereotypical path, I guess.

And so I just knew that it was never going to be that for me. And so I better make some decisions and figure out how to navigate this. Cause it never felt like it was going to be a smooth.

Kasey (05:59)
Wow, I hear you describing sort of like holding all of these different parts of yourself, right? My brain and body are 17 and they want to party and they want to play. And it's like, how normal, you're 17. And then there's this other part of me, what you're calling your soul and your intuition that feeds you this wisdom and still somehow you had the wisdom, you know, like the intelligence to listen to that and to follow that.

Cristina (06:06)
Yeah.

Yep.

Kasey (06:27)
Life has been a struggle for me as a kid, and I don't want life to be a struggle for me forever. So I will create change.

Cristina (06:34)
And there's been so many times where I didn't want to create the change, right? Times where I just was pissed and still in, like, let's be honest, right? There's those moments for all of us in those days where we're just like, man, why me? Why didn't I get it this way? Why didn't I do that? And that's where that kind of mentality comes from of you got to get better at the hard shit because that's all that's going to happen.

We can't just sit back and wait and hope and think like, okay, like it'll be better tomorrow or once I'm done with school or once I'm married or once I have a kid, all those things, right? doesn't guarantee anything's going to be better. That adversity is going to be there. And so it becomes this part of me that realized through many different chapters of my life that, okay, it's, it's that resilience, but it's also just mastering getting better at doing the hard stuff.

because it's going to be there. And if I always let it knock me so far down, that just kind of puts me 10 steps back, right? And that's where I think I saw my mom, my sister, other family, even friends, when that hard stuff happened, it would just like blow them out the water, right? And for me, I need to put a shield then, get strong for those things because then I can just kind of bounce back every time.

Emily (07:28)
huh.

Cristina (07:54)
And there's been times in my life where that bounce back took a really fricking long time. And then there's times now where I'm like, damn, good job. you didn't even flinch. I think it just comes with age and wisdom and, and trusting myself too that I will bounce back, I think is a big thing for me.

Kasey (08:02)
Yeah.

Yeah, well, and not to, you know, I just want to such insight is what I want to say to you. It's so insightful because and you're right on the hard shit will never stop happening. There's not a destination that we ever get to that makes the hard stop coming. But it's how am I going to roll with the hard? What do I want to create from the hard? Who do I want to be when it's hard and what impact do I want to have on myself and on others?

Cristina (08:23)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Kasey (08:40)
So what happened next?

Cristina (08:43)
I was 20, I was loving life, you know, but I always was very work driven. and as I'm older, it's a little bit of a deflection. It's a strategy to not have to deal with stuff. but we learned that, right. But it also has really paved my way, in my careers and stuff. So quickly climb the ladder at Target quickly, you know, grew, grew a network and people who.

I saw the life that they were creating and I was like, cool, I want to be around this, right? There's power in that for sure. And so I just kept my head down in a sense. I had a lot of fun and did stuff, but I also just, I was always the one working. I was always the one teaching everyone else around me. Like, this is how we should pay our bills. this is what we should do. So I always was the leader and friends and family, and it just kind of has manifested and grown over time. And

Then life happens, right? Lots of family stuff has come in and out of that. And I got really sick of everybody's stuff and I up and left and went to the East Coast and the family followed. And that taught me to okay, I have a place in this world to guide and to lead, also deserve to do it for myself. And those years on the East Coast really taught me that. And...

brought me back to Colorado where I continued to kind of grow that career within corporate world and knowing I really always just wanted more and just trying to figure out how to do it. Definitely struggled with okay, I have this, you know, feeling that I need more and I want more and I deserve more, but a lot of outside stuff kind of kept, you know, knocking that down for sure. And trying to figure out how I can show up as myself, but not let everybody down, but also like.

push and it's been a battle my whole life for that. And then things were good. And then all of a sudden I found myself in a long -term relationship that quickly reflecting now I realized was like that from the beginning. But in those moments, you know, we just don't know things and found myself in a long -term relationship that became immensely abusive, emotionally, verbally.

physically and I think outside of the 17 mark that next chapter in my life being in that that relationship really just That was my big aha. That was my moment of like nope. This isn't the life I got to get out of here and it wasn't easy like it took me You know, they say it takes someone in a domestic violence relationship eight plus times. I think mine was right about nine and so it's no joke and it's one of those things I

I didn't expect to ever find myself in. And there's many moments in my life, I think overall, where we could deep dive into those forever. there's those times where you kind of look back after and you're like, damn, I didn't expect that to be my journey. I didn't expect that to happen. I didn't know I'd fall into that situation or what have you. And so that moment was really when I understood I have the power in understanding how to handle the hard.

And if I used it well, then it was going to take me where I wanted to go. But it was the hardest, worst five years plus of my life. And it was the hardest, hardest, hardest year ever of my life coming out of it.

Emily (11:59)
Thank you for sharing that. It is way more common than we think that women and men around us who look like they have it all together are actually in an abusive relationship at home. And it's notable, I appreciate that you said it takes eight plus times on average and it took you about nine.

Cristina (12:05)
Mm -hmm.

Emily (12:22)
What precipitated you leaving or getting out that final time?

Cristina (12:26)
Yeah, I think it was escalating, right? As in most cases, and there was one time where it, the first time actually it got physical, he left and I begged him to come back, 100%. And I now realize it's a lot of that's the love I thought I deserved. All that stuff has obviously come up during my healing,

it was good for awhile. Don't get me wrong. And then as it continued to escalate, I found myself one time just sitting upstairs in our house and was like, man, I would rather be physically alone than literally feel the amount of loneliness I feel in this situation. And once I started allowing myself to kind of think about that and like actually feel the feelings that were like,

Kasey (13:06)
Mm -hmm.

Cristina (13:14)
knocking on me like, hello, Cristina, please pay attention. It made me start to kind of open my eyes. But I was, I was terrified to leave. One, to be alone again, it felt kind of scary in that sense. And I thought that was my person forever. And starting over for anyone is difficult, regardless of the situation. And then the other side of it was, am I going to lose my life over this?

so this person brought in a firearm into the house. we're not a house that had them, not a house that needed them, one of them. And, I can like picture perfectly. I thought, okay, Cristina, you're either going to make a choice right now. It's gonna be really hard or you're potentially going to be a dateline story and that is going to kill your mom. and so in those moments, it.

I think to get me through that hard time, it was less about me because it was easier to put it on like for everybody else, right? And so I translated it into, hey, you can't do this to your mom. You can't do this to your sister, your nieces and nephews. you have to figure this out because if he takes your life, because that's the intensity that it felt like, I like that's gonna break everybody else, which is.

It's good and bad, it got me out, right? But it also makes me sad in the sense like, damn girl, you couldn't even have loved yourself enough then to realize it was also about you. And I can now, but in the moment, that's not what I needed to do. And my mom is still on the East Coast and she rarely travels, but happened to come into town. And obviously the universe sent her for a reason and things were bad. And I was hiding it and no one knew.

No one knew till after I left that it was to the degree that it definitely was. And so, but he was being a jerk and he was upstairs and I came downstairs and I was obviously upset, moms know. And my mom's not one to like get in the middle of shit. Whether that's good or bad, she's gonna let you figure it out on your own, right? And there's times in my life where I'm like, damn, I wish she would just like be the person, right? But in that moment, she looked at me and she said, you know, you can't do this forever. And I thought.

shit. I said, I know. And I left, I had to go somewhere. And I just knew like in my heart, like, damn it, man, this was time. And we were making decent money. there was just enough money sitting in savings that he didn't have access to that was gonna do what I needed to do. And so...

I didn't tell my mom even and she was like literally in my house and I pretended I went to work the next day. It was a Wednesday and I didn't. I called in and I found an apartment and I told the lady, I started crying and I said, Hey, like I have to get out. Like, I don't even care if it's not clean. I will clean it. Like it doesn't matter. I said, can you just please have this ready for me by Friday? And she's like, yeah, I'll figure it out.

and she made everything happen and she was a blessing in disguise too, I went to work Thursday, I went home Thursday, I packed everything, he's obviously catching on, but my mom's in the house, so I knew he wouldn't get physical with my mom in the house. I knew he, because like, at least I had that, right? And so.

Of course, me being who I am, I'm working full time. I'm doing flowers on the side. I literally have a good friend's wedding that Friday. I pack everything in 24 hours. I then go to the new apartment on Friday, do all her wedding flowers. I then drop them off, I know, Saturday morning, meet my cousins at my house. My ex took our dogs and wouldn't let me see them or say goodbye or anything.

And it was a terrible moment in the morning, but my cousins drove in and we moved everything. And that was that. And it all happened 72 hours maybe. And then the aftermath of that was so fucking hard. Like I wanted to go back. And I think that's what so many people don't realize is that feeling of just still wanting to be with that person in a weird way and like needing to go back or should you go back?

Yeah. And it was, it was a hard, hard six months for me after. And thankfully I started to open up. People finally knew my closest friends and family had no fricking clue. and in that moment I was like, okay, this is it. Like you you're standing up and you're making a choice today that like, you told yourself when you were 17, you weren't going to have this life and you sure and shit aren't going to start, you know, in your late twenties now, like, what are you, what are you doing here? And,

I just somehow pushed through it. Some days I don't even know how to be honest, but here we are.

Kasey (17:55)
Because there's a leader in you that has always been there and that is your voice of wisdom. And that part of you knows what you are and are not willing to tolerate. And I heard you in telling this part of your story. I'm just really touched. I have water in my eyes for you. I'm in awe of you right now. That there was a moment for you where it was like, who even am I? How did I get into this? You know?

Cristina (17:58)
Yeah.

Emily (18:00)
Mm -hmm.

Cristina (18:20)
Yeah.

Kasey (18:24)
And so you talk about, I wasn't loving myself the way that I know that I can and am capable of, but you also weren't even really knowing yourself yet, right? That part of you had vacated somewhere along the line for the sake of your own survival. Once you knew yourself, you did love her, right? And you got out. I...

Cristina (18:33)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, very true.

Kasey (18:48)
I just, I think I want to speak on behalf of our audience for a minute and ask you if you could say a little bit more about that very unique dynamic of, so I've just left what felt like abuse to me. And now that I'm gone, I want to go back. I think so many people will be able to relate to that dynamic in a way that on the surface, many may not understand. Is there anything you could say that could help?

Cristina (19:06)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kasey (19:17)
create understanding.

Cristina (19:19)
That was my person, right? To an extent, my person forever. Thank God, no. But in those moments, it was, it's one who I thought I deserved. And I think that's a component that maybe like, we don't always understand is there is that level of, they just.

They don't love themselves and stuff, but I also just, it just felt good. There was, there was really good time. There's times now where I'll reflect and like we had fun. We had good times. Like he was around a long time. Like it was hard for people around me too, to digest that. Right? Like, what do you mean that was happening in your home? What do you mean it was physical? What, you know? And so I did, I, I, I wanted so badly early on for him to call.

and not be an asshole for once and just apologize and want to be better. And even in that heart of heart, you know, no, like don't go back. Don't you know, we know that, but like that feeling in your heart that's still there doesn't turn off. It doesn't turn off with words or fist or anything. And that is really hard to heal. And I remember my sister having to come in town shortly after.

And she kind of was saying the same thing, you know, like, one, are you okay? And I said, I still want to go back. And she's like, what? when you're in love, we are blinded by so much shit. And I think sometimes it's a good thing. And then sometimes it becomes obviously not good. But I wanted to be loved so much that I thought we can figure it out.

And it took months for that to like really go away, to not want to see his name come across my phone, to get to that point where I really understood and valued and trusted myself. And I didn't know if I would get there honestly, and it just slowly that wound starts to close up. And then I think sometimes, and maybe others can relate to this, is...

Kasey (21:13)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Emily (21:23)
Hmm.

Cristina (21:36)
I think a tactic I use, whether this is like good or bad, was to replay some of those really tough moments with him. And that helped. That helped me remember, you know, hey, do you remember when he was screaming at you inside a store? Do you remember when he, you know, after that, he pushed your head against the window? Do you remember the first time this, right? And do you remember the words? And I remember telling my sister that too. I said, you know,

Kasey (21:45)
Yeah. Yeah.

Cristina (22:03)
As cold as it sounded, I told her, I said, the black eye healed and no one knew. I said, but the words, that stuff, that stuff stayed for a long, long time. And so I think as people who are trying to get out of those situations and then immediately want to go back, it's because we didn't, we don't know the other side of it, right? We don't trust or believe that it is going to be better because all we feel is so much hurt and so much hurt for ourselves.

Like, I can't believe this happened to me. I didn't expect it or, you know, that shame, that shame was big for me. People on the outside look and think, Cristina's so strong, she has it together, she's the leader. And I was like, I am. And shit happens to those people too. And sometimes we forget that.

Kasey (22:52)
Yeah.

I am who I am because of those things like shame and strength and my resiliency around it. You said something that's so important. I just want to punctuate it for folks, which is when I wanted to go back because I wanted something from him, for him to apologize, for him to acknowledge, for him to validate. And again, what you had was the wisdom. I'm never going to change him.

Cristina (22:58)
Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Kasey (23:23)
What I can change here is me.

Cristina (23:26)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. And through all the tears, I just had to keep somehow reminding myself of that. And a lot of it was to relive the really shitty times and, and unfortunately kind of reopen that wound of like, it was bad. It was bad. You don't deserve that. It was bad. And then it started to heal in a different way, right? Before it was healing in a sense of like, it was still open enough to let him come back.

Kasey (23:37)
Yeah.

Cristina (23:55)
and, and then I got stronger and obviously, and, and then he did try to come back. not of course, right. But yeah, cause right when you're in a good spot, like let, let shit happen. But, he, he's, he pretended and I thought, and I, it wasn't like, this is it. It was more like, damn, this dude is really good at faking it. Right. Like he, he's a master at this. and then it got gross right away.

Kasey (24:01)
Of course he did.

course.

Emily (24:19)
Mm -hmm.

Cristina (24:24)
He was stalking, he turned off my hot water heater, changing phone numbers, just like the most craziest, ridiculous shit. And I was finally to a point where like, I didn't care. And that moment for anyone who's ever been there or thinks, can I get there? You will. And when you get to that moment, man, it is like, it's the greatest feeling ever. I'm like, I don't care anymore. You cannot affect me. You will not affect me.

Kasey (24:24)
Mm -hmm.

Cristina (24:53)
nor will you get to hurt me anymore. And that's where that other piece of like mastering the hard shit comes into play. Because we can kind of all live in that space where like everyone has stuff, right? Everyone has adversity. Everyone has toughness. But when you can master it is when you can feel that level that you like literally leveled up in it. Where you can say, yep, this has affected me. This is a part of me. However, it did not make or break me.

It's just combined into everything else. And from here on out, great. I get to just move with that. And that's where you master it. That's where you get to say, okay, I figured it out.

Kasey (25:35)
You had to let the wound bleed so that it could heal. And then you also emotionally experienced it when it turned into scar tissue.

Cristina (25:37)
Yeah.

Yes. Then actually I found myself in Emily's lovely presence. So we have worked together in the past and people, I was still working in that place when people knew me with him and Emily was literally the first person on the planet I told that I had left.

Kasey (25:44)
Lovely. So then what happened?

Yeah.

Cristina (26:06)
So I am forever grateful of Emily to just have that space for me because no one, yeah, no one knew, right? And so with that came a lot of vulnerability, something I wasn't good at and still frankly, I'm not always great at, but it came with this like renewed,

Energy too of like wow I Think I think I can be who I want to be I think I can just create a life that I never even thought was possible for me even though that 17 year old girl was like hey Hello, you're supposed to do this It got it got mixed up right like a lot of shit happened in all those years like literally almost 17 more years and so it kind of like re -sparked that 17 year old in me I

Remember I'm not doing this like everyone else. Like you, you better go figure that shit out. And so I just got vulnerable and I got curious about life and I started asking questions and just being open to things and thinking about what did I always want to do? And I always wanted to do real estate, always, always, always, and just never thought.

To be frank, I looked the part. I had enough money to start the business. Can I mingle in a million dollar house with other people? We didn't own a home. What are you talking about? People own homes? What? I came from this place of there's no freaking way. Then that relationship also put that damper on there.

One, that dude was never gonna let me do real estate. You think I used to just willy -nilly about my life? Yeah, right. But then also, all that negative talk that he said to me, I started saying to myself for almost six years, I didn't think it was possible, right? I thought, this is it. And so as I got curious and just really started opening my heart to things, it became like, actually, you could just do whatever you want.

and then figure it out from there. And so, Emily, again, we were sitting in her office and her husband was jumping into it and I was like, wait, he left his previous career? He's just doing it? She's like, yep. And I was like, shit, I didn't know these were options, you know? Literally is what's going through my head. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do it too. And that was it, right? And I started classes and I was like, okay. And then I just...

Kasey (28:27)
Yeah.

Emily (28:33)
Woohoo!

Cristina (28:41)
kept that curious, vulnerable, open soul. And that's what's created the last, you know, six plus years of my life. Has the last six years been easy? Hell no. Like, my gosh, so much shit's happened, right? But it feels not as difficult to maneuver through those because I have figured out how to get better at it.

how to move myself through those really hard times. And sometimes it's a nap. And then sometimes it's like, let me focus in on work and really hone shit in, right? Let me go on vacation. Let me do this. Having choice is something I didn't know would be in my life. And now I feel like I have a lot of choice and it's an empowering feeling for sure.

Kasey (29:33)
Yeah.

Emily (29:34)
just want to say a side note. When Cristina and I worked together, she ran everything and I was intimidated by her. I was like, I want to be friends with her, but she's like the boss lady. She was on it with everything. When she says everyone saw her as a leader and it's so strong, that was the exact image I had of her. I'm just so grateful for the day that I showed up at your office.

Cristina (29:41)
and I just want to say thank you so much.

Emily (30:01)
and you were vulnerable and told me what was happening because there is a dual thing that happens when you are a leader and when you're strong. The bad part of that is that you have to uphold that image which can keep you in a situation that isn't good for you, that is bringing you down and you have to prove that you are the leader, that you're strong. But then...

The good side of that is that you're a leader and you're strong and it's what got you out of it and you had to be a leader for yourself because when you said he was good at faking it and manipulating, he was so good at convincing you that you weren't a leader and that you weren't strong when you were in those four walls with him. And so you needed to be there and he made you so little and you were not meant to be little. You were meant to do big things and have choices.

and do whatever you want, create businesses that help other people. So I just want to say, this now is the real leader because you're vulnerable and you're leading and they go together.

Cristina (31:02)
Hmm.

Yeah, absolutely.

Emily (31:07)
Yeah. Tell us.

Kasey (31:08)
The problem with the strong one is very few people ever ask if you're okay.

And so it can feel really, really alone in there. And I just heard you tell us a story of needing to secure an account for your own safety. And from safety, you were able to get to vulnerability. And from vulnerability, you were able to get to curiosity. And from curiosity, you were able to get to choices. And from choices, you were able to become empowered.

Emily (31:17)
Mmm.

Cristina (31:26)
Mm -hmm.

Kasey (31:40)
and none of those other things can happen without first having safety.

Cristina (31:45)
Yes, yeah, yeah, 1 million percent. Yeah, it is. Well, thank you, yeah. And you're right, when you said people don't ask if you're okay, that's a big one. That still comes up for me all the time. And I've had some good people in my life that also say, hey, sometimes you gotta speak up too. Because I'm good at, I'm obviously good at hiding it, right? For better or for worse, you know? And so.

Kasey (31:48)
So bravo to you. Yeah.

Cristina (32:10)
that vulnerability piece comes in where I do have to share and say, like, I'm not good and I've gotten so much better. And that too is empowering, right? To be the strong one, to be the leader, to be the one that holds it all together. Whether it's for my friends, it's always for my family. Like that is my role. And I think I've learned to embrace it and accept it. There's moments where I'm like bitter against it and I don't wanna fucking show up for everybody.

tired, you know, and, but then I think like, there's also a reason I think I am in that position. And I think it's cause I do continue to find an ability to be like courageous, but resilient and, and be able to kind of build through that.

Kasey (32:55)
Yeah, yeah, you're an emotional unicorn now you're unstoppable.

Cristina (33:00)
Thank you.

Emily (33:01)
Yeah, it is a really hard thing when you are the one that is always taking care of everyone and everything to ask for help. That's kind of the big journey. And it's all about boundaries. As we are all learning how to create boundaries for ourselves, it is sometimes telling people what we need. So, yeah, that's the journey.

Cristina (33:10)
Mm -hmm.

Kasey (33:22)
and hoping that we're telling someone who has the capacity to hear it and respond in a way that's effective and causes connection, which is sometimes where the hard part occurs. Mm -hmm.

Emily (33:29)
Yeah. Yeah.

Cristina (33:30)
Yes.

Emily (33:34)
Well, so the next part of your journey is you've created Tailor & Co. and then what? What happens?

Cristina (33:41)
Yeah, so I jumped into real estate, started with a different brokerage, met my now business partner, and we decided that we wanted to do things different than everybody else. I think that's also just who I am at my core. I will follow rules, but I also like to make sure we can push those boundaries. And so that's how I see everything. But I come, I feel like, because someone had once said, like, Pam, you're such a rule breaker. And I said, no.

I feel like I've pushed the boundary to make sure that everyone has opportunity because sometimes I think the rules are put in place to confine certain situations and certain people. And that's what I don't like. and so we created Tailor and co. Realty group for the newbie agents, because anyone who's ever gotten a real estate is a, it's an interesting ride for sure. I also love it. I was very successful from the jump and I'm very grateful. but yeah, we created it. We brought on agents that that has shifted so much. And then.

I found myself a few years in and kind of burnt out in a sense. It's a lot, it's a hustle for sure. And when I was on the East Coast, I had worked at a flower shop and I was literally driving and was like, man, it'd be kind of fun. Cause as I said, I was still doing flowers here and there. I was like, what if I just opened up a flower shop? And I was like, huh, I toyed with it. My business partner and I toyed with it. And I was like, let's just do it. And...

That's my true authentic self is that risk taker in business that like entrepreneur spirit, true and true. Like when I think about me as a little kid, that's what I was always doing. I was always creating business. I was pretending to be a real estate agent when I was little. Like that is what I'm supposed to do is just build business. Like I love it. And so in two weeks, we, we literally created Crate and Bloom.

out of my kitchen, it's still out of my kitchen because it just makes the most sense. And it freaking blew up more than we all expected. I found myself like, what the hell did I do? With gratitude, of course, but there is that moment for anyone who kind of owns a business and it goes a different way. You're like, I wasn't prepared to work this much in this business. And I didn't know we would do this many deliveries.

Kasey (35:41)
Yeah.

Cristina (35:54)
but learned so much, you know, real estate is one type of business. A product is a different type of business. Inventory is different. So it was exciting. it quickly hit six figures within a few months. we were doing huge events for businesses and it was like a whirlwind. And then I was also like about four months in and was like, I'm kind of bored. And everyone's like, are you fricking kidding me? And I was like, I mean, I can't stop right now. Like.

We have contracts, but I was like, I'm over it. And I think that's where sometimes like people just are like, what is she doing? Because I do, I do just like to pivot like that. And I don't think every, well, I know everyone's not like that. And I don't think everyone understands me for it. But those who do just, just kind of go with it. And then it's still going. I had a wedding yesterday. I've definitely pivoted it. So we don't do daily deliveries anymore. Strictly, you know, events and weddings. And I.

Kasey (36:21)
Yeah.

Cristina (36:47)
I love it because I get to be creative, but it's also very like specific way to run a business. Your product is obviously alive. Your margins are important, like all this stuff. And again, I like to push the boundaries of, okay, how can I be really affordable and accessible to those who really just want a beautiful wedding, but also are like, I don't want to spend $10 ,000 on flowers.

yeah, I'm going to tell you you shouldn't because you could also invest that $10 ,000 somewhere else. So I think I just come to it from a unique perspective of like, I'm not the cheapest, but you're going to get so much quality for so much less. And that's what I love about the choice in business and being able to create my own path is because I don't have to ask anybody's permission. If I want to give a discount, I'm going to give her a freaking discount, you know, and that is what I love. And so yeah, and then from

Real estate and Crate & Bloom and like all this has always been me being creative, me being a business person and me being a leader, but that translates always into developing others. And so in every role I've had, whether it was corporate or not, it's always been this love to make sure that others can create their own path too. And while I don't, you know, always do it well for myself, I have, I have an ability to do it pretty damn well for everyone else. And so.

It just continues to grow that coaching side of my business, my love, my passion, because especially knowing my story and what I've dealt with and overcome really is a better way to say it is, is that other side of it. And if I can help one person get to that other side, like I 100 % made it. And I know you two can speak to that in the line of work you guys do. And so if, if I can show one other woman that like she can talk about money.

she can want to make money, she can want to invest in herself, then let's fucking do it. Because that right there is even more exciting than just pivoting and randomly open businesses. Because we've opened an array of them in the last six years. We've dabbled and some have failed and some have made us a quick buck. And yeah, I always joke like the end goal is a private plane. And everyone's like, my gosh, I'm like, I'm not joking. Like, we're going all the way or we're not going because at this point, like,

That's what's left, right? Is the top of the top.

Kasey (39:11)
That's what's left and that's what you know you're capable of. It's what you've always known about yourself.

Cristina (39:15)
Yeah.

Emily (39:18)
Yeah.

Cristina (39:19)
Yeah, somewhere in there. Somewhere in there she knew.

Kasey (39:21)
Yeah. Yeah.

Emily (39:24)
your own story and the idea that you have adversity and you have hard things that happen growing up, you have hard things that happen as an adult, and that it doesn't have to limit you, that it becomes this thing, a challenge that you have to keep moving through because we're never done working on all the things that have happened in our life, but that it can also help you. And so it's...

this combination of taking the hard stuff in life and putting it together with all the good things in life and creating something really powerful. And that's what I hear in how you help your clients in your coaching practice is that you can go, okay, well, what are the good things? All right, not just that, what are the bad things and how do you make it work for you? How do you make it an asset?

Kasey (40:11)
Yeah.

Cristina (40:12)
Yeah, absolutely. Because I do think in business, once you can take yourself out of it, I think that's what a lot of, especially women, I think our identity is wrapped up in so much of what we do, right? Because society has just kind of put us that way. We should be with a significant other. We should have children. That's who we become. And I think it's empowering to let women know you can still do everything still. But yeah, all that hard stuff is what makes you strong.

Like it is such a big foundational part, but you also got to be willing to look at it. And I think so many times we're not, right? I mean, there's times I'm not going to look at it. I'm like, just kidding. Everything's fine. Right. But the more we're willing to look at the hard stuff allows us to see even more of that good. And like you said, like build that together because I'm not standing without all of that. There's no way I'm not who I am. I'm not, I'm not a business owner like I am. I'm not.

Kasey (40:51)
Okay.

Cristina (41:08)
a friend, a sister, a daughter, none of those things, right? And so it is finding that real balance of the hard and the good and then mastering that hard. And I think we never talk enough about the hard being actually really important to pay attention to. I think we kind of, at least for myself, I should say, like grew up in a space where like, just stuff it down, just ignore it.

And over the last year, I've been really focused on how to feel angry. And as a woman, we shouldn't be angry. And I've always been, obviously, the more confrontational one, maybe, of my sister and I, or someone who's going to speak their mind. I'm going to push the boundary. And so I think that, too, comes with that label of...

Maybe she's, you know, a little much. Maybe she's kind of loud, you know, all those things. And I finally realized, you know, okay, I have all those things and it actually makes me really who I am. And if you make one go away, it's not good. And with that comes, comes that anger and we all have a right to be angry sometimes. And I'm not just saying like you're pissed off in the road because there's traffic. I'm like that deep anger. That's like, you've been stuffing for years. It's, it's time to let all that stuff out because.

For myself, I realized as I do it, it again opens up that curiosity. It gives me that empowerment. It continues to level me up in a way that I wanna show up and have choice for myself and then everyone around me. I just feel like it's made me such a better human to those around me, even though it's been really fucking hard for me to have to go through it.

Emily (42:55)
Yeah.

Kasey (42:55)
Because anger is part of us that knows we've been violated. So of course it needs to be felt and it's worthy of being felt. It's like a direct traffic director to where do you want to have your boundaries be, right? And what I love about what you're saying is you're like using those emotions as a vehicle to kind of look back at yourself and go, so what's my part? And what are my choices?

Cristina (42:59)
Yeah.

Kasey (43:25)
How'd I get here? How'd I put myself here? And what do I want to create from this now going forward? There's this theme for you that threads throughout your whole story, Christina, which is like, how do I want to turn my limitations into possibilities?

You're brave as fuck. I'm sitting in awe of you and like filled with respect for you.

Emily (43:44)
Yeah.

Cristina (43:44)
I appreciate that. Yeah. I, yeah, I don't, I wouldn't always say that about myself. and your guys' previous episode when Emily says that too, like she doesn't see herself as someone who's brave, like, but, but reflecting on, you know, knowing we were going to record this episode, it was a moment of like, damn, okay.

Kasey (43:50)
Thank you.

Mm -hmm.

Cristina (44:08)
Maybe we should give ourselves a little bit more credit than we often do because yeah, there's some bravery in there. There's some obvious resilience. And then there's also a lot of just like growth and learning and mistakes and fumbles and naps and quiet moments. It is, it is.

Kasey (44:10)
Yes.

Emily (44:24)
Thank you.

Kasey (44:25)
Yeah, naps.

Emily (44:29)
Yeah.

Kasey (44:30)
because being human is hard.

Emily (44:32)
Yeah. All of it is part of the journey. Also, I want to add to what Kesey was saying, that all of those things like the anger and all the feelings and the curiosity, that is self -compassion. That when you allow yourself to feel the things that are, you know, the quote unquote bad stuff, that is self -compassion. Because then you get curious about yourself and go, what do I want? Who am I? Where am I going? What does this Cristina want?

what would make her happy. So pretty cool.

Kasey (45:04)
Thanks for saying that out loud, because I think that's an important thing to highlight too. Like self -compassion is not about bubble baths and pedicures.

Emily (45:12)
new.

Cristina (45:13)
No.

Kasey (45:14)
It's about this, what you are describing and what we are talking about right here. It's about allowing yourself to have your feelings and then to use those feelings with curiosity to identify where you can honor and love yourself more.

Cristina (45:30)
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and then with that, I think, as you said, that it made me realize, that's given me a choice that I didn't even know to literally this moment of who does that mean I surround myself with then? And that is like actually been a really big one for me for the past two years and a very hard one and boundaries are, man, I'm a people pleaser through and through, because that's how I got through my trauma, right? I've spent my whole...

Emily (45:44)
Hmm.

Me too.

Kasey (46:00)
Hmm.

Cristina (46:00)
I've spent my whole life trying to survive, right? That's what we do. in allowing my feelings to be felt and as like cliche, I think, is people think that saying's becoming, if you actually really understand what it means, like you said, it's that self -compassion comes out. And then outside of the boundaries and all that other like buzz -worthy stuff, it's more so like,

I feel good about this. I'm going to allow this situation. I'm going to allow this person or I'm not and it's going to suck and it's going to be uncomfortable and sometimes it's lonely as heck. But at the end of the day, I think I've realized that you can get through, right? But continuing to keep that gross stuff around me, I just, I just can't do it anymore. That, that insightful person in me is like, no,

We have to keep moving and it's hard. It's hard when it's close people. It's hard when it's your family. you know, and, and you just have to kind of like trust yourself and really say, okay, I know this isn't right. So I'm going to just keep going with what I feel is right in the moment. And, and if it pivots and it changes, cool. And if, and if it doesn't fuck it, like you just got to keep moving. And I think.

We're so stuck sometimes in our own way that that's what I've really had to overcome too, is just getting out of my own way.

Kasey (47:32)
Yeah, what was the version of yourself that you needed to survive back then is not the version of yourself you need now to thrive. And so it's like helping that older version, but also thanking her because she was here for your benefit. She kept you alive through all of those years. So it's like a pleaser in me, even though I throw up a little in my mouth when I remember how she behaved. Right.

Cristina (47:42)
Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

Kasey (48:02)
It's like, thank you for helping me to live through all those years. And guess what? I now know I got us. So like you are no longer needed. Because I'm here now. And I will take good care of us. And I won't let people who treat us like that back into us. Yeah. Yeah.

Cristina (48:09)
Yes.

Yeah.

I can see how it's easy, maybe not easy, but like how it happens when people do find themselves back in those situations. Cause there's people in my life now where those who are super close to me know that you might go that way because it's that comfortable feeling, right? And so I think for me, it's also that component of give yourself some grace.

We're all so mean to ourselves, right? my inner critic, I always call her the mean girl. This is no way in some form, some perfected path, right? I haven't figured it all out. I didn't like have all this bad shit happen and then just now it's rainbows all the time. no, I've just figured out how to use all those past times.

Kasey (49:04)
Yeah.

Cristina (49:09)
as tools to move forward and hopefully not get stuck ever or as long at least, right? But there's moments, man, dating in your 30s, yeah, right. Like there's times all the time where I'm like, wait, are you going backward? Are we going forward? Like, shit, stop. You know, like you gotta check yourself and you gotta be willing to have those like tough conversations with yourself as if, you know, you were talking to a best friend because...

Kasey (49:24)
Yeah.

Emily (49:26)
Yeah.

Cristina (49:36)
If you're not gonna let everybody in, then you've gotta be able to do it with yourself and you've gotta be able to have those conversations.

Kasey (49:42)
Yeah, for sure.

Emily (49:44)
I think you have to be able to acknowledge when you're getting complacent. Because when we get complacent, when we get comfortable with how we're doing things and the way that people are, and you just, they're kind of like, that's when we find that our past behavior can pop up. And so being really intentional and going, I recognize that I did that in the past and I know that's not what is best for me. So.

Cristina (49:50)
Hmm.

Emily (50:12)
have to do something different. And that's like the best friend talk. Like, hey, remember, that's not what you want.

Is there anything that we haven't asked you that is really important?

Cristina (50:23)
one thing that, and anyone's kind of journey of, of kind of figuring out how to get past the hard things and stuff is, that how do they get on the other side? And I think it's important because even when I listened to podcasts, read a book, whatever, right? Like it always feels like,

they're better than me, they figured it out. she owns multiple businesses now, like all that. And so I say all that because I've been there and I felt that and everyone's journey is so unique to themselves that I think sometimes we forget that you're probably doing really well because while on the outside, like before everyone saw me as this like strong leader, like, she's got it all together. I was, I was literally die inside, right?

and hiding so much from the world. And so it's also, I've come really far, but I also have really far to go. And there's a lot of people around me who I'm like, wow, like, shit, I wanna be at that level. Why am I not there? And I still beat myself up, actually, if you just stop the comparison and start looking at it more as admiration and...

another goal or something like that. That's where I think it can help everybody like on their journey of growth is like, it's not there ahead of me or they're behind me. It's everyone's on their own path and you just need to kind of get curious and reach out and ask for help or see that like that's really your inspiration. And keep those people close, you know, like there's there's people in my life that I have that maybe they're from afar, maybe we're really close, but.

but I keep them because like I need that reminder. I need the reminder that like this isn't it for me or for anyone. And you know, there's stuff that some days I feel like, my gosh, like every day there's something in my life. Like every day it feels like there's adversity and it just snowballs, right? And if I stay in that, that's when shit gets gross again. And so it's finding those people and finding those moments to pull you out. And one thing like I didn't touch on, I was,

just now surprised is my dog, Baloo, is the best, but he saved me. And I will say that till the day I die. I have a cat, Charlie, who's my bestie too, but when I got Baloo was like three months after I got out of that abusive relationship, I didn't want to get off the couch. I didn't go out. I didn't go outside. And he was a 10 week old puppy and that wasn't going to work.

And he saved me, he 100 % saved me. And so it's finding those things and finding those moments my mom being in town and then me leaving and Baloo coming into my life and people like Emily and stuff, like it all came full circle. And now it's exciting to sit back and kind of just know like, I get to just keep growing that circle.

and just keep going. And there's days that are really fucking hard, but then there's so many good days that like you said, like, it just continues to build the like best foundation I could ask for.

Kasey (53:48)
Just keep going, just keep growing. Stories of growth and the human experience. How human of you and dogs, because sometimes humans just don't cut it.

Emily (53:51)
Mm -hmm.

Cristina (53:52)
Yes.

Emily (53:55)
Mm -hmm.

What are you grateful for?

Cristina (54:01)
I am grateful for, so I thought I was gonna say my resilience, but as like I reflected and had this conversation with you both, I'm actually grateful for all the hard stuff that happened. I really am, as crazy as maybe it sounds or am I grateful that like I got choked out? No.

But am I grateful for what it taught me and brought me to? Yeah. Am I grateful for my resilience? Of course, but I'm really just grateful that somewhere deep down inside me, it was meant to like follow this path. And it's brought me to such a greater authentic level of myself that I didn't even know existed.

Kasey (54:48)
We're grateful for you.

Emily (54:48)
That's beautiful. We are grateful for you. Yes. Well, that wraps it up. Thank you, SoulStard listeners, for joining us. We want to ask you to take 30 seconds and go to wherever you are listening to the podcast and click that little plus button in the top right to download or subscribe. And if you felt value or heard value in this episode,

Cristina (54:50)
Thank you.

Emily (55:15)
Please share it with a friend.

Hey, have a great day.

Kasey (55:19)
Take good care of yourselves, take good care of each other. Bye bye.