SoulStirred: Stories of Growth And The Human Experience

Emily Garcia (00:03)
Welcome lovely listeners to SoulStirred Stories of Growth and the Human Experience. I'm Emily Garcia. And I'm Kasey Clark. We will be your guides on this journey. We are so glad you are here. Each week, we'll come together, sometimes with other incredible thinkers, creators, and adventurers, to generously share stories of self-discovery, recovery, triumph, and what it means to live a life on purpose. No matter where you are in your own journey,

connection is here for you at SoulStirred Settle in, take a deep breath in, and let's inspire each other. Welcome to SoulStirred

Emily (00:48)
Hello, SoulStirred listeners, welcome back. We're so happy you are here.

Kasey (00:52)
Hello, SoulStirred listeners. We're so grateful to be with you again today. For today's conversation, I am going to share that I am once again in a chapter of my life of transition, which has me feeling a little unstable and a little unsettled, especially on the inside, but also facing with a move on the outside, so externally too. Anyway.

Emily and I thought that it would be fun for us, me specifically, and all of you, to lean into a little bit of play for the sake of connection and creativity today. We're highlighting the power of the use of the skill of curiosity, and we're going to do this with you by playing this game called We're Not Really Strangers. It's got three card decks.

that come equipped with questions that sort of deepen the conversation as we go. There are three levels of questions within this deck. And we're going to ask the questions of each other and play this card game with each other and with all of you today. And we invite you to play along with whoever might be next to you. So here we go. Question one, Emily, are you ready? All right.

Emily (02:15)
ready. I hope.

Kasey (02:18)
What is the first thing you noticed about me when we met?

Emily (02:24)
Well, for any of our listeners who have heard other episodes, they know how we met, but I'm going to do a little refresher. I met Kasey when I was doing child protection. I was a screener, which basically meant I took all the incoming child protection calls, like concerns that people had that they wanted us to look into.

And at that point, there would be a rotation of supervisors who would come in to manage the screeners and kind of go through the calls and decide what to do next. The very first time I met Kasey, I remember feeling your warmth. You had, you felt like sunshine. You walked in.

and it's such a, you know, it can be such a serious environment, but you were like, all right, and you were just like, right, what are we looking at? And kind of like joking about things and so lighthearted. And so it's, I don't remember, one of my favorite things, one of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou is, people won't remember what you did or what you said, they'll remember how you made them feel. So we don't remember the things you said that day, but I remember feeling safe.

and warm around you.

Kasey (03:41)
that. What a compliment. Thank you.

Emily (03:45)
Well, you embody it.

Kasey (03:48)
I receive it. Not the first time I've been told, you know, ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Yeah, it's kind of my theme song in the world. So I appreciate you. I feel seen. Thank you. All right, next question.

Emily (04:01)
Yeah. You're welcome.

Okay, the next question. What character would I play in a movie?

Kasey (04:14)
Oh.

All right, I'm just going to say the first thing that comes to mind. I just got the image of you as Kate Winslet in the Titanic. So the good news for you is like, you get to make out with Leo. Okay. Tell Adam. But really for me, what it's about is I have the vision of her, you know, on the ship.

Emily (04:21)
Ooh, thank you.

Okay, well, I mean, maybe definitely. I would have been...

Kasey (04:41)
during one of the formal dinners with the big beaded, like gorgeous gown with the tight bodice and all of the sparklies coming off. And here's the part that feels like you to me. She's so perfectly poised in how she presents. And yet we learn through the movie that she's got sort of a little, you know, a colorful rebel inside whose fires are longing to burn. Right?

Emily (05:07)
Yeah.

Kasey (05:11)
and that's what feels like you to me.

Emily (05:14)
I love that and never would have expected that to be the answer.

Kasey (05:19)
Yeah. You're welcome.

Emily (05:21)
Thank you. I think it's so funny because I think about like, who would I be or who would I choose to, you know, or you know, you have that question. Who would I choose to play me in a movie? I have no idea. But I think back to high school when I was in Steel Magnolias and I was the Dolly Parton character and so that's my association. Although I'm like nothing like Dolly Parton, but I love Kate Winslet. So.

Kasey (05:32)
Yeah.

Yeah!

Emily (05:50)
Thank you for that character.

Kasey (05:52)
Yeah, you're welcome. And I love that you played Dolly Parton in high school. I can totally see that. It's a tribute to your character acting. Nice, nice. All right. Level one, question three, perception. What do you think is my main love language?

Emily (05:59)
Thank you. She's pretty awesome.

Okay, let's go over the love languages. There is quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and yes.

Kasey (06:14)
Okay. Yep. Yes. And gifts, yeah.

Emily (06:27)
I think words of affirmation are your top one. However, I also think that quality time is up there for you.

Kasey (06:29)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Emily (06:42)
People tend to have a, like, you know, the main one and then like kind of like a secondary or two under there, but am I off? Am I wrong?

Kasey (06:51)
No, well, quality time is definitely in my top two. And then, and my second one, I think is physical touch. It's how I noticed myself loving just very naturally and in all kinds of relationships, not just intimate partnership, but like with my kids, my husband, my parents, there's, we're a huggy family. And you'll often find like back rubs being given throughout the room.

Emily (06:54)
Okay, not words of affirmation.

Ah, okay.

Yeah.

Kasey (07:20)
hands held when we're walking down a street, that sort of thing. And so I actually think it's kind of part of the family culture. And definitely one of the ways that I show love and feel loved. But as you said words of affirmation, I think you're not wrong.

Emily (07:30)
Yeah.

Now, you want to know why I said that? Because when we shared our vision boards with each other, your vision board is full of words. It's a very, very affirming, and you are the kind of person that you show, you show affection through words. Like I've witnessed it.

Kasey (07:44)
Yeah, tell me.

Oh yeah.

Mm-hmm. Affirming ones. Yeah.

Yeah.

Emily (08:09)
I've experienced it firsthand and I've witnessed it, that you're very affectionate and very loving in the way that you speak to people. And so I think I assumed that was how you like to receive love as well.

Kasey (08:20)
Yeah, well, you know, I just love this and thank you because you're having me sort of, you know, notice myself in a different way. And maybe I had, you know, made a conclusion prematurely or without all of the information where this line of thinking takes me is, you're absolutely right. I am a word person. I have often thought like if I ever were to pursue one of those.

you know, side careers that you're maybe not as skilled or trained or educated in, but something fun to do, I would be a greeting card writer.

Emily (08:57)
Ooh, ooh. That was good.

Kasey (09:01)
Um, right. Because I do think that I have the skill of like, you know, bottom lining, the, what wants to be said when it comes to love in a powerful way. And what I'm taking from this is if I've been wrong about how I labeled my love languages, then this is a way for me to love myself more with words of affirmation. You know? And so I haven't thought about it like that until just now. So what a gift.

Emily (09:24)
Yeah.

Kasey (09:29)
Thank you. Yeah. Exactly.

Emily (09:30)
Yeah, the way you speak to yourself is so important and we need to hear our own words of affirmation. You need to hear your own words of affirmation. Yeah.

Kasey (09:40)
Exactly. Yeah. And what I know to be true for a lot of humans, myself included, is we all tend to kind of carry a bully, you know, on the inside. And I have one as well. And so, yeah, it feels, this conversation feels like medicine. First, you know, turning down the volume on the inner bully and up the volume on the loving words. Yeah.

Emily (10:03)
Yeah.

Yeah, I think about it like the, you know, you have the angel and devil on your shoulder, and that devil, that bully, or the inner critic is so loud that sometimes that angel, it's like a whisper, and it's hard to hear that when you're being self-critical or you're upset with yourself about something or you're feeling worried about something, but it's like so loud, so shh to the bully. Let that other voice.

Kasey (10:14)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Emily (10:38)
The affirming voice. Speak up.

Kasey (10:40)
get in and turn up. Yeah, exactly. So now I need to know what your love languages are. Do you know your top two?

Emily (10:48)
My top love language is quality time. I truly, you know, in my marriage, I am like, if we haven't had some time together, just being together and actually connecting, not like sitting next to each other and doing something in parallel, I'm like, I need time with you. And it's such a simple thing, but quality time. I also...

I'm a very touchy, like my kids sit on my lap, we hug each other. I love to like scratch their backs and walk up to my husband and scratch his back. Very, I'm very touchy in the way that I show love as well. Yeah.

Kasey (11:28)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Physical touch and quality time. Yeah, that's what I would have said about me, too. And up until now, you opened my heart. All right, good. That was your question. Where did we start? OK.

Emily (11:31)
Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm going to go.

Yeah, you asked me, so let me ask you.

What title would you give this chapter in your life?

Kasey (11:51)
Mmm. Hehehe.

Emily (11:54)
What?

Kasey (11:55)
Ugh. Something like the magic and the mess.

Emily (12:00)
Yeah, the duality.

Kasey (12:01)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, finding magic in the mess. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Emily (12:09)
Yeah. It is such an interesting thing about life, that the duality of like, you need the good with the bad. You don't get light without dark.

Kasey (12:16)
Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And the messy, uncertain times where things are stirred up and unsettled and changing, and you don't know what's next, or why, or how. It's like a tender, fragile time. And.

Emily (12:21)
Yeah.

Kasey (12:41)
There's so much beauty being created. I'm creating so much beauty from it in it, with you at Tribe, with Soulstird, with our clients, with my coaching clients. There's like sitting in a space of really not knowing allows...

Emily (12:46)
Yeah.

Kasey (13:04)
actual things that feel like love and medicine to just sort of flow through me, you know? And then there's also the human parts that are like, you know, how can you be at this point in your life where everything is being questioned still, you know, which you can probably hear has like negative undertones in it and

Emily (13:29)
Yeah.

Kasey (13:31)
And so it's just allowing for all of it, you know? And noticing, I think...

Even though it's like, I think I used to believe that in order to change yourself, like you had to change your circumstances, what I now know is circumstances don't matter, like at all. And it requires kind of a shake up to life circumstances, I think, in order to find all the parts of yourself.

Emily (14:09)
Hmm. I need to go to bed.

Kasey (14:10)
you know, and to reveal and to get to know and do that kind of self-discovery. Um, I guess there's like a, the messes in the magic is about like navigating the paradox between courage and comfort, right? Like stretching yourself out into, into courage enough, um, that you may discover some things about yourself that you didn't know were there before.

Emily (14:27)
Yeah.

Kasey (14:40)
Um, but also knowing that there's a time and a space to return to comfort. And that's important too, for like homeostasis and to, you know, we need stability and chaos.

Emily (14:54)
There is this element of we don't make changes. We don't need to learn who we are. We don't need to learn different parts of us. We don't need to do anything different if we're comfortable. We can sit still and let life go on and move on and we just go along for the ride. And when we get uncomfortable, when life throws us some curve balls,

Kasey (15:09)
Yeah.

Emily (15:21)
and we go, wait a minute, I don't know that I'm okay sitting in the back seat, I wanna be in the driver's seat and maneuvering it, but also it's like driving it and not controlling. There's like this element of, yes, I'm going to allow it and be an active participant in my life, but I'm not gonna control, because when you're controlling and you're tense, it doesn't allow for anything to flow. So then it's like this,

Kasey (15:28)
Exactly.

Right.

Exactly.

Emily (15:51)
Allowing being aware, being active in my own life, and knowing that whatever is gonna happen is going to happen, and I will be better for it, is a really scary thing, but there is magic in that mess.

Kasey (15:59)
Yeah.

Exactly. Precisely. We have to get uncomfortable in order to grow. We know that. We can know that when we're staying comfortable, we're generally staying the same. And what I just heard you say in short, it's about allowing and activating. Being the driver of your own life, but also maybe trusting the universe to be a little bit the Tesla.

Emily (16:10)
Yeah.

Kasey (16:36)
that keeps you going at the just right pace and with the just right distance from others. And exactly.

Emily (16:40)
Yeah, it's kind of, you know, manifesting is like a really hot topic. And when you manifest, you're not just saying like, ah, here are the keys to everything, universe, you go do it and I'll sit here and wait. Manifesting is I'm open to this. This is what I want. And while I'm wanting it, I'm going to take action toward it.

Kasey (16:46)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Exactly, exactly. We are the creators of our own lives. Yes, we are. All right, is it your turn?

Emily (17:10)
Yes, we are.

Okay, I think I asked you what the title was, so your turn.

Kasey (17:18)
Oh yes, so it's mine. Yay. Because I feel like I just went on and on about me, so here's one for you. How are you really?

Emily (17:28)
That is complex. I am in so many ways really good. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where my word of the year is secure. I am working on feeling secure in myself and my choices. I can return to feeling secure. I'm

Kasey (17:43)
Listen.

Emily (17:50)
not playing small. I'm at a point where I want to live a life that feels like I've created it.

And so in many ways I'm doing that. In other ways, it's interesting, like as you were answering your question just now about all the unknowns, there is still elements of life that are messy and give me some anxiety because I don't know what is gonna happen or what things are gonna look like.

And if I had to give a percentage, I think life is 80% or 85% really, like really good. And there's that 15 to 20% that I'm like, I don't know, but do we, we never fully know. So.

Kasey (18:36)
Yeah.

Emily (18:39)
I think my health is good, my family is good. I'm surrounded by people who I really love and feel share in my values and also challenge me. And so I feel really fortunate. I'm in a good place. Yeah, yeah. There is a lot to be grateful for.

Kasey (19:01)
Yeah, so much to be grateful for.

Yeah, pause for a moment of gratitude. Yeah, me too. Me too. Perspective is so important. I'm grateful that I got to wake up this morning and that I have legs that put my feet down on the floor and walked me across the room and that my heart is still beating, right? And that I get to love and be loved.

Emily (19:33)
Yeah.

Kasey (19:36)
so many, so many things that are wonderful about life.

And who was it that said, I just heard this recently, that it's impossible to feel grateful and anxious at the same time.

Emily (19:49)
Oh, I've heard that too. I don't know who said it.

Kasey (19:52)
I feel like that's true for me. Even just coming out of this conversation where I could feel my own emotions spinning up as we're talking about unknown, uncertain, unstable things. And then we pause for a moment of gratitude, and all of that just fizzles away, right? And you can feel your body back on the ground. Yeah.

Emily (20:16)
Yeah, gratitude is so powerful. You know, there's research, actual real evidence-based research showing that gratitude, a daily practice of gratitude reduces inflammation in your body. And a reduction in inflammation is correlated with less chronic health issues, like high blood pressure. So.

Kasey (20:23)
Yeah.

Yep. The science of happiness. Hashtag science.

Emily (20:44)
Let's see. My turn to ask you. Describe your perfect day.

Kasey (20:50)
Mmm.

Mm. Is it cliche to start with them on a beach in Hawaii?

Emily (20:57)
No, if it's your perfect, it's your perfect day.

Kasey (20:59)
Yeah, that's what's here now. So that's where I'll go with it. I'm with my family, my children. And yeah, you wake up early in the morning there without alarms because there's like magic in the air and you're eager to greet the day. And begin with coffee and a walk along the beach to watch the sunrise. And you can.

hear sounds of the birds coming from near and far and the roll of the waves in the ocean and feel the warmth of the sand underneath your bare feet. We maybe go from coffee and a walk to breakfast and a hula lesson on the lawn. And then some pool time, you know, to play a little like pool volleyball and have a couple of afternoon cocktails.

And then maybe it's a waterside slide contest, a quick nap in a lawn chair by the surf next to the ocean, and then quick run indoors for a shower to get your dress up clothes on before dinner. And then, yeah, more dancing after dinner.

Emily (22:01)
Ha ha ha!

Kasey (22:26)
and a night of a movie and snuggles, I think. I hear some themes going for me that have to do with like, what do you hear?

Emily (22:33)
Yeah.

There is this like the fun and excitement mixed with the calm throughout your day. Yeah, I Want to come along for your perfect day? Yeah

Kasey (22:43)
Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a good day. I've actually lived this day multiple times. I think that's why it came to the forefront. But yeah, it's a really good day. It has movement and magic and family. Yes, and connection and play and water and sun. These are a few of my favorite things.

Emily (22:58)
Yeah.

social connection.

Yeah, there is a song for that. it is the beauty in life, which is slowing down, just being having fun, being outside, being in the sun, having a nap, being around people and like enjoying the playfulness of like going a water slide context. And dancing, like

Kasey (23:27)
Mm-hmm.

Yes! Yeah!

Emily (23:37)
All the mix of all the good stuff. Yeah. It does. Yeah. Okay. Take me with you.

Kasey (23:39)
Yeah, it sounds like a good time, doesn't it? Alright. I'm going to go back to Hawaii.

So tell me, what is your mother's name? And what is the most beautiful thing about her?

Emily (23:58)
My mom is Carol Ann, and the most beautiful thing about her is the way that she loves people.

She will open her heart and fully love and...

she sees the best in people.

Kasey (24:20)
Beautiful.

Emily (24:22)
How about your mom? Tell me about your mom. What's her name and what is the most beautiful thing about her?

Kasey (24:27)
I love this question. My mom is Virginia. She goes by Jenny. And the most beautiful thing about her is also how she loves. And I would describe it as both tender and fierce. My mom is still one of those people who, especially when it comes to her children, she like

people don't get away with picking on or being mean to or otherwise violating Jenny's children. There's a lioness in there who will definitely come out and roar if she hears of someone hurting or harming one of her ducklings. And she is also tender with us. We were lucky to grow up always with like the bedtime back rubs.

and the hugs and kisses and just the loving gentle kindness in our home. Yeah, I really am lucky to have her as a mom, I think, because of the blend of those things. Fierce and tender. That's Jenny.

Emily (25:28)
Yeah.

Ooh, I love that. That's kind of like, you know, the mama bear where, you know, she'll cuddle with her kids and she will protect them with all of her life. Yeah. The lion, wait, what did you call her? The lioness and what was the tender part?

Kasey (25:40)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Uh huh, exactly, yeah.

The lioness. Yeah.

Oh, I don't know if I named it. But I got the image in my mind when you asked the question of, have you seen that, where it's a kitten and a lion and they're reflecting back to each other over water? That's the great description of my mom, the kitten and the lion. Yeah.

Emily (25:59)
Oh, I thought you did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh, I just realized I want to add in one other thing about my mom. My mom is playful. She can laugh at herself and she can laugh at the most random things. I mean, we can, we can like erupt into crying laughter over the dumbest things. So I really do love that.

Kasey (26:25)
Okay.

Uh-huh. I love that too. The contagious giggling at sometimes inappropriate times. Uh-huh. Exactly. My family has stories. I'll save those for another episode. Alright.

Emily (26:44)
Yes.

Yeah, yeah, or inappropriate things. Yeah.

Okay, good. All right.

Ooh, is it my turn? Okay. What do you think my superpower is?

Kasey (27:00)
I think so.

Oh.

Hmm, I feel like I want to get I feel like I want to give this a two-part answer Because I would have said something about you on the whole Up until this year This year, I think your superpower is bravery. I Happen to know that you are like telling fear to fuck the fuck right off this year In all sorts of ways, right like

Emily (27:21)
Thank you.

Yeah. Thank you.

Kasey (27:33)
creating SoulStirred with me, growing Tribe, putting yourself out in speaker circuits and giving speeches and talks with your toast masters and your women business networking groups, right? And then, what'd you do in Mexico, parasailing?

Emily (27:45)
Yeah.

Oh, paragliding, I've gone paragliding.

Kasey (27:55)
paragliding and then a couple of weeks ago I saw you post on social media and I didn't even know you were doing this and I'm someone who's in contact with you almost on the daily. You're in an airplane with you and your husband and you're seated as the pilots and the co-pilot and so am I wrong? Like is this not your year of bravery? Yeah.

Emily (28:14)
Well, thank you, thank you. And I'm not a pilot. I feel like I should probably take a class to learn how my husband is the pilot. But yeah, that is pretty scary to go up in a little tiny four-seater airplane. And yes, thank you. I said, I forget which year it was, probably in about 2017. I said, I'm no.

Kasey (28:23)
Uh huh.

Yeah.

Emily (28:43)
no longer living my life in fear. I'm not doing that anymore. And of course you don't flip a switch and decide you're gonna change things overnight. You make the decision and you make the decision every day over and over and over again. And I've gotten really good at saying yes to things that previously fear would have made me say no.

Kasey (29:06)
Yeah, I see you. Yeah.

Emily (29:08)
Thank you. I want to say yes to all the things that my little heart twitter, like, you know, that it gets like excited about. And maybe in the past I would have said like no, and then regretted it or felt like bad that I hadn't done it. So yes, thank you. I feel brave.

Kasey (29:14)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I could and I love that and it's true that it is a choice, right? Like again, we always have both of those voices in our head, the fear that's saying, don't do it and then courage. That's like, feel that feeling and do it anyway. Right. And we have to choose and it's really, um, I think this is true both with like life activities, things that you've been up to, like speaking and flying and sailing and et cetera.

Emily (29:42)
Yeah.

Kasey (29:57)
um but it's also true in relationship those fluttery feelings that have us like avoiding conversations or actions or movement that need to happen um lean into those feelings is my practice right it's like feel more of that vulnerability that fear would have had you wanting to avoid um dive head first into that because that is where the magic happens

Emily (30:26)
And isn't that the truth? One of the things that I have avoided in my life are difficult conversations. That in intimate relationships, in friendships, where I know there's something that I need to say to this other person, but I'm so scared of how they're going to respond, that I never say it, and it only pulls us further apart.

Kasey (30:36)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Emily (30:55)
And so in my marriage, when I met him, it was after going through a divorce and I learned some big lessons about not speaking up, I met my husband and I made a very conscious decision that I would, number one, not hide things from him. You know, like if I went to Target and purchased something, I wasn't gonna hide it. I was just gonna be like, yes, I went to Target.

Kasey (31:03)
Mm-hmm.

Emily (31:19)
or I ordered on Amazon, like little things like that, but then also I'm feeling upset about this thing and I need to talk to you and it connects us. I feel, I don't always do it immediately and I don't always do it well, but I do it and I fumble through it and that probably has been one of the hardest things in my life, but I continue to work on it.

Kasey (31:28)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, hardest and I would offer most rewarding because what can happen when you're not as brave as what you're describing in relationship is those unspoken conversations start to take up the space where intimacy wants to be.

Emily (31:47)
Absolutely.

Yeah.

Kasey (31:58)
And so you're keeping that space free for connection and intimacy. And what I hear you saying, and heck, yes, this is the truth, it's not easy. And it takes a commitment to yourself and each other and the relationship. And you've got to want, you know? You've got to want it. You've got to know that you want a relationship that is full of things like depth and texture and...

Emily (32:10)
No.

You did.

Kasey (32:26)
color enough to get uncomfortable. Yeah.

Emily (32:27)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, to get uncomfortable. And this kind of goes back to like the magic in the mess to lean into the unknown of like, you don't know what's gonna happen when I say this out loud. And I'm worth standing up for, I'm worth advocating for. This relationship is worth advocating for. So I'm gonna do it regardless of the outcome.

Kasey (32:39)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah. What would you do next if you loved yourself more?

Emily (32:59)
Oh, are you really asking me?

Kasey (33:04)
I'm hearing you say the answer to that question. Yeah. What would you do next? Exactly, honor yourself and all that means.

Emily (33:06)
Yeah, yeah.

honoring myself.

Okay.

Kasey (33:19)
Good, all of that from the superpower question. This is a fun game.

Emily (33:25)
No, these level three questions are delicious. Okay, yes. Yeah.

Kasey (33:27)
I know! Alright, one more before we bring it to a close.

Hmm. Is it my turn or your turn? Okay. How does... this is a three-parter. Okay. Okay, so we'll go one part at a time. Or would you like all three parts to start?

Emily (33:36)
Your turn.

Okay.

Say all three and then we'll go through one at a time. How about that? Yeah.

Kasey (33:50)
Okay, gotcha. All right. How does one earn your vulnerability?

Have I earned it? And how can I earn more? I love this question.

Emily (34:01)
I love this question or these questions. How does one earn my vulnerability? By the way, I'm also going to want to hear your responses to these. Yeah. To earn my vulnerability, there is, you know, going back to my love language, the quality time and when someone truly shows up.

Kasey (34:04)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

noted.

Emily (34:24)
It doesn't have to be with a big planned activity, but really showing up. And I think it's the showing up to celebrate with me when something is really good and going, wow, I see how hard you've worked and honoring that and celebrating with me and being genuinely happy for me. And then on the opposite, and the other times in life when things are really hard, giving me the space.

allowing me to be whatever it is that I am in that moment or at that point in my life that I can fall apart and then laugh in the next second, you know, and that they also show up and allow me to show up in the same ways for them. You know, if someone is vulnerable with me and shows me the true parts that maybe they don't show to everyone,

and reciprocates, you know, there's this like back and forth of like, I'm going to show you, and I'm going to show up for you, that is how someone can earn my vulnerability. Yeah. What about you?

Kasey (35:24)
Yeah.

Love that. I'm going to show you, and I'm going to show up for you. I love that. Yeah, it's similar. I would say yes to everything you just said. And I would add that for me, one of the things I'm learning about my own relationship with vulnerability is my vulnerability is a tender thing. And

It wants to be shared. And it almost feels like there's like a staircase that lives inside of me, if you will. That for someone to earn their way into where my vulnerability lives, it's like we have to sort of walk together side by side down this staircase to get to the depths of me, you know? And, um...

So there's a layering to it and I'm aware that I need presence.

and to be sort of like handled with care as we approach the stairs down and in. And I'm also aware that I pay probably hyper careful attention to the procession of me and the other person on the way down and have a tendency to quickly climb back up to the top and shut and lock the door.

Emily (36:50)
lock them inside.

Kasey (36:52)
would lock the like no one's gonna get in there. Because it takes like I can feel myself almost peeling the layers back in certain relationships and knowing then like who actually got to it, you know? And who hasn't. And so it's not that it's like a game or a test, it's just that I think in my story,

Emily (36:55)
Yeah.

Kasey (37:19)
I have had a tendency of giving too much away for free and then being hurt on the on the backside of that. And so I'm probably more in my adolescence in terms of like boundary development. And so they might be, you know, they might be a little tighter than they will be someday. But it is what it is. I'm just describing what's true for me. This isn't

Emily (37:42)
Right.

Kasey (37:47)
I think vulnerability, that's why I start with it's a tender thing. It's different for each of us. What it means and how it gets bred and how it gets opened and what I'm learning is it's really an act of love for self. To be discerning in who gets to share in those, those tenderest bits of us. You know?

Emily (37:53)
It is.

Yeah, not everyone deserves a ticket into that part of you.

Kasey (38:15)
Exactly.

Yeah, and you as you recognize that or as I've recognized that, I think that's how, you know, trust with self grows. Is is in discernment and then a practice, I think, of knowing there are some who can be trusted, you know, to have your back even when you're not around and

Emily (38:34)
Mm-hmm.

Kasey (38:39)
It is good, delicious good relationship to have a few of those in your life and be discerning about who that is and how it gets handled for you. Yeah.

Emily (38:50)
Yeah, absolutely. And that's not to say that those people are always perfect because we're all perfectly imperfect. It's the people though that you know intuitively, like in your core, you know they have your back, that they love you. Yeah.

Kasey (38:55)
Right. Of course we are.

Yeah. Exactly. You're one of those people for me. You've earned your way down the sta- down to the bottom of the staircase.

Emily (39:17)
Thank you. I am honored to be. I'm honored to have received that ticket. A ticket to go with you. Yeah.

Kasey (39:22)
Yeah. Well, thank you for being you and being in my life and for building what we have together with me because it's very precious and rare. Yeah.

Emily (39:35)
Yeah, it is. And that is a two-way street. You have earned it in my life as well. I've had many times in my life where I have said, why can't people just be the way I am? Why don't they show up the way I show up? And then I'm upset and hurt. And I've also have learned and continue to learn the boundaries. And so...

Kasey (39:52)
Yeah.

Emily (40:00)
On the other end of that is open to my eyes that when someone is in front of me and they have earned it, I recognize it.

Kasey (40:07)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Emily (40:11)
Thank you. We answered that second question. But the third one was, how can I earn more of your vulnerability? So.

Kasey (40:15)
Thank you. We sure did.

Yeah.

I think for me the answer, and I'll say this to you and obviously to our whole audience, this is to everyone, presence. It's like more quality time with, you know. The more of that happens for me, I think in any relationship, the more we take the walk down the stairs. Yeah.

Emily (40:44)
I agree. I think it's also the element of you don't have to know what to do in every moment. You don't have to show up with all of the answers, but if you can show up and be there, hey, I'm here. Like what I was saying about the people, the person or the people who can celebrate with me and grieve with me and feel sad with me, that they show up in anything and go,

All right, and figure it out as we go. It's just showing up helps vulnerability. Yeah, just be there. You don't have to know how to do it.

Kasey (41:19)
Yeah, just be there. Yeah, be there.

You show up and you be willing to be seen and I will too. It's like as simple and complicated as that all at once. Exactly. Okay, you ready to put a punctuation mark on this thing? This has been so much fun. I'm really, it's remarkable how much my emotions have transformed in just this last bit of time playing this game with you. It's...

Emily (41:30)
Yes.

It is.

Let's do it. It has.

Kasey (41:53)
We have the power, people, to take control of our well-being in our lives.

Emily (41:59)
Yeah, we're in charge of ourselves.

Kasey (42:02)
Okay, two final questions. The first one is, what has this conversation taught you about yourself?

Emily (42:04)
Okay.

when you said that it was the question about which character I would play in a movie and you talked about Kate Winslet's character in the Titanic, I don't think I've ever thought of myself that way, that I look, you know, like put together and all this stuff on the outside, but there's like this rebel inside of me. And yet when you said it, I'm like, yeah. What I have learned about myself is

Kasey (42:16)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah! Yay!

Emily (42:37)
that I get to be dynamic and colorful and a rebel in my own way. Yeah. You learned about yourself.

Kasey (42:44)
Yeah, I love that for you. Yay.

Oh, I learned from this conversation that I have the power to change how I feel, that playfulness is really important. Also, hashtag science, I think. Playfulness and gratefulness both lead to happiness now.

Emily (43:12)
Yeah, yeah.

Kasey (43:17)
And I really, I think I'm gonna really have to start to own how I am the sunshine.

Emily (43:25)
Yes. Yeah. Own that part of you.

Kasey (43:31)
Own, I am owning the light, right? It's reminiscent of my favorite Marianne Williams and quote, you know, our greatest fear is not a failure. Our greatest fears that will be successful beyond belief. It is our light, not our darkness that scares us most. I think there's something surrounding that is coming to life in me right now.

Emily (43:54)
You can play it safe if you are looking through darkness, but if you're living through your light, there are possibilities that are endless.

Kasey (43:58)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it's good to have a friend along whose superpower is bravery. All right, final question. When this game is over, what will you remember about me?

Emily (44:10)
Thank you. Yeah.

I will remember that I hold this precious ticket to go down the stairs with you. That I can hold your hand and be by your side as we go down the stairs into those like hidden away rooms somewhere in the in the basement and that I can hold the space for you and show up for you and then help you come back up the stairs into the light together.

Kasey (44:26)
Mm-hmm.

Precisely.

Emily (44:48)
Thank you for the ticket. Yeah.

Kasey (44:50)
Thank you for coming along for the ride and leading the way at times.

Emily (44:56)
Oh, thank you. Well, you know, it's back and forth. Sometimes you're leading, sometimes I'm leading. Yeah, yeah, here we are.

Kasey (45:00)
Yeah. Yeah, well, that's co-leadership, my love. Here we are.

Grateful, grateful. That's, you inspire me every day.

Emily (45:14)
Same. Yes, thank you for being along on this journey.

Kasey (45:18)
Yeah. And thank you to SoulStirred listeners for tuning in and coming along with us on today's journey of playfulness and gratefulness. What a gift this has been to me, and I hope it's reciprocal with them.

Emily (45:31)
Yes, thank you for spending your time with us. We are always grateful that you have taken the time to hear us and to learn hopefully a little bit about yourself in the process.

Kasey (45:43)
Take good care of yourselves and each other. Tune in next Tuesday. Bye.

Emily (45:48)
Bye.

Emily Garcia (45:56)
Thanks so much for joining us on this episode of SoulStirred, Stories of Growth and the Human Experience. We hope our stories have touched your heart and sparked reflections in your own journey.

Therapist, we are not your therapist and this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. If you find yourself in need of professional support, please don't hesitate to seek it. Your well-being is important and there are professionals out there who are ready to help. We encourage you to carry the spirit of growth and connection with you. Life is a continuous journey and we're honored to be part of yours. Stay tuned for more captivating stories in the episodes to come.

Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.